How can I erase a speeding ticket from another state without waking up next to a horse’s head? Stupid fucking California DMV won’t let me get a license here until I pay this other stupid fucking state.
Just why do ya need a California license is what I wanna know. Unless you’re Black or Mexican, or worse, Blaxican, LAPD ain’t gonna pull your ass over anyway. I mean, really. How many times you seen some car pulled over on the side of the road and you see about four Mexicans spread eagle across the car, with guns fucking pointed at all four of them little old ladies? Shit. I was riding down Sunset Blvd. one night, and I saw the cops pull over these four black dudes. I know they looked all suspicious cruising a nice vehicle like that four door Saturn they was driving. Seriously, that thing had to be paid for by drug money, ’cause I mean, come on. No normal human being’s got that kinda bread lying around. So the cops open their doors and get in position behind their doors and their hands on the guns and yell for all four of ’em to get out and put their hands on the car. You know ol’ Murray. I see this and yell HEY! FUCK THA POLICE! Shit. Sally V. won’t even drive my ass nowhere near Sunset anymore.
So never fear, whitey. Your guvanator’s got your back. Be it driving without a license or bilking people outta millions with your insider trading. The jails are full of the brown people, and they ain’t got time to mess with you.
Now leave me the fuck alone.
Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.
He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".
His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.
A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.
It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.
He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.
Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.