Humility and the art of baby-naming

Dear Murray, My woman wants to name our baby boy Draco. Well, I think that’s the best idea I’ve ever heard. There are plenty of kids out there named Moon or Rock or Earthfart, and they desperately need someone else’s ass to kick. You’ll be doing the world a great service! People really need to think about the repercussions of the name they stick their chilluns with. Picking a name …continue…

It’s No Fun (Being a Genesis Song)

What are your thought on illegal immigration? I say fuck ’em! If their forefathers were too lazy and stupid to hang on to their real estate that’s not our problem. Plus, look what squalid garbage heap countries most of these people come from. What makes us think our country won’t end up looking exactly like that??! I say we bill the countries of origin of these assholes and start tying …continue…

Like this Page or the Terrorists Win!

Good job, America. You’ve just proven that it’s never too soon for a little opportunism! Saw this shit going around on the Facepage yesterday. “Like this page for 9/11! Woo!” You motherfuckers would sell your own grannie into slavery for a share. I’m sure that seemed like a brilliant marketing ploy. “Who doesn’t like 9/11? I mean, come on.” Instead, you come across looking like a complete and total fuckwit, …continue…

A Car Tells a Thousand Words

So, being stuck behind millions of you fuckers on the 405, I’ve learned a thing or twenty about your asses. I don’t even have to see your stupid faces anymore. All I’ve gotta do is take a glance at your car, and I’ll know ALL I NEED TO KNOW about you. Now, I’m gonna share some of what I learned. THE CARS YOU DRIVE AND WHAT IT MEANS ABOUT YOU. …continue…

A Love Letter to Walmart

Dear Murray: Why the fuck does everyone hate Wal-Mart so much? All it does is employ all the immigrants and hold them down and away from the good jobs? It is puzzling. Oh, I loves me some Wal Marts. That’s what the folks in Indiana call them, ’cause they add an unnecessary ‘S to the end of everything. Wal Mart’s. Kroger’s. TRAILER PARK’s. Hell, where else can you buy an …continue…