Picking your plaque and smelling it, too

Dear Murray,

i have plaque in my teeth like evreyone else…but i love to pick it out and smell it unlike everyone else…does that make me gay??????


Talia the nose and plaque picker.

Damn. Well, we all got disgusting shit we do behind closed doors. Why do we look in the toilet after a shit? Why? Do we get some sense of pride and awe? DAMN! THAT just came out of MY asshole! BOO-YA! Seriously, though, I took a shit just last week that looked a lot like Kirstey Alley. I took a picture, but not even the weekly world news would buy that shit.

I’ll wager that 99.99999% of us smell our finger after we pick our ears. WHY? WHY? WHY? We already know what it’s gonna smell like, ’cause we’ve fucking smelled it every time, but still we persist! It’s not the fucking Antique Road Show! We don’t gotta verify the authenticity of the ear wax! So what the fuck?

It gives us a sense of accomplishment. So be proud, brave warrior. You’ve made the plaque your bitch (does plaque really have a smell?). You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. You’re big enough to admit your disgusting little habits, and, that’s what truly turns men on.

Just don’t go eating the plaque and boogers. That’s way too circle of life and shit.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

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