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The Fine Art of Grudge Fucking

Dear Murray,
In your blog, someone wrote in about having sex with someone unattractive. I don’t understand this point of view.

To me, life is too short to want to have anything to spend time with someone you don’t like, let alone get nasty with them. Otherwise, it seems there is something (not necessarily physical) that one finds attractive in order to get it on.

Since you seem to have engaged in a grudge fuck or two in your day, what is the mindset behind this? Help me understand.

— Lubbin the ladies

See, now a good ol’ hate fuck is an idea that I can support 100 percent. I’ve testified many times before that the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.

If you hate someone REALLY passionately, you are just as moved as if you were mad ass in love with them. You’re in love with everything they’re not. Every. goddamned. word. out of their mouths riles you up even more. THAT IS WHY GRUDGE FUCKING WORKS. You’ve got all this pent up frustration wanting to explode, it doesn’t matter which head explodes first, but one of them’s gotta BLOW.

If you REEEEEALLLY hate someone, you do find them attractive. There’s nothing you love to do more in the world than sit around hating that person. If you’re that emotionally moved by someone, it’d probably be the BEST SEX OF YOUR LIFE. Much better than the $20 Tijuana black-eyed whores you’re getting now.

It’s kind of a one money shot deal, though. Once you’ve dropped the bukkake on your nemesis’s face, the whole dynamic is destroyed. Future sex would be futile, and it’d take extra hard work to keep hating them after that. SO CHOOSE WISELY, AND DON’T BLOW YOUR LOAD TOO SOON TOO SOON!

The part that confuses me is the people who will bang motherfuckers they don’t find attractive, who don’t move them in any direction on the dial. Just throw it in ’em. Like flossing the teeth every night. Scratching an itch on your pimply asses. Draining the vein.

Y’all should at least try incorporating some domestic violence foreplay into that shit, or something. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE = THE SPICE OF LIFE.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

Categories: Love that's done FUCKED Self Gratification

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Dear Murray

Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.

He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".

His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.

A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.

It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.

He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.

Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.