Whores, Incorporated

Dear Murray What are your thoughts on prostitution? Should it be legalized or not? It sucks having to go all the way to Tijuana to get some easy ass. -Horny in Hollywood Lemme tell ya, it’s a sad fucking cuntry we live in when you can sell your soul, but you can’t sell your ass. So, let’s combine these two pasttimes, why don’t we? First, we legalize prostitution. Then, we …continue…

Leave that job in STYLE

Dear Murray: Help me out please. I need an idea of how to exact my revenge without getting arrested. Here’s why: I’ve worked at this piece of shit company for a little over a year now. I was hired to do HR work and instead I get to do bullshit secretary work. The execs at this place are all chauvinistic pigs (I wasn’t aware of this when I accepted the …continue…

You can’t get a ticket for being a cracker

Dear Murray How can I erase a speeding ticket from another state without waking up next to a horse’s head? Stupid fucking California DMV won’t let me get a license here until I pay this other stupid fucking state. -Johnny Knuckles Just why do ya need a California license is what I wanna know. Unless you’re Black or Mexican, or worse, Blaxican, LAPD ain’t gonna pull your ass over anyway. …continue…

JESUS FREAKIN YNGWIE MALMSTEEN CHRIST

Dear Murray i just moved to LA from Dayton, Ohio and I have noticed that I am having problems getting laid. Telling them about my 80’s theme band “Pink Rock Glitter” doesn’t seem to impress them, and all I can afford is a damaged rental car from this werid pakistani guy on Cahuenga Blvd. I am wondering now if it’s a good idea to tell them that I am a …continue…

The Revolution WILL be Televised

Dear Murray Do you think a second American revolution could ever happen, or are we so docile now that we will allow the government to do as the please at the expense of our freedoms? Where do you stand on the Second Amendment? -considering holing up in Montana Five years ago, I would have told you no. This could never fucking happen. This country is full of right-wing “love it …continue…