A Car Tells a Thousand Words

So, being stuck behind millions of you fuckers on the 405, I’ve learned a thing or twenty about your asses. I don’t even have to see your stupid faces anymore. All I’ve gotta do is take a glance at your car, and I’ll know ALL I NEED TO KNOW about you. Now, I’m gonna share some of what I learned. THE CARS YOU DRIVE AND WHAT IT MEANS ABOUT YOU. …continue…

Which Domestic Violence Movie are YOU?

Dear Murray, My fiance’ was in an abusive marriage before I met her. Her ex-husband is like the King of Douches. How can I deal with this problem without involving police, or at least becoming a suspect? Overprotective in Wisconsin Haha. Sucks to be you! Here, you thought you were just settling in for some easy regular action. Now, you’ve gone and gotten yourself in the plot of a Lifetime …continue…

Does this blog make me look fat?

Dear Murray, Let’s share the love a little bit, here. After all those shrill, self-righteous rants I just read against fat people, I’m feeling a little left out. You see, I’m a recovering anorexic. I am 5’8″ tall, and at various points in my life I’ve weighed as little as 85 pounds. I have never tried to blame my condition on the media, or anything but my own sick psyche. …continue…

Goin to the Chapel, and We’re… Gonna Get Herpes

Dear Murray: I need your help. I have this friend who has been in a relationship for about 10 years. They’ve been engaged for the past four years, but about a year ago, my friend got suspicious of her fiance and went through his wallet. She found out that he had been soliciting prostitutes. The next thing I knew, she had stepped up their wedding plans. All she could talk …continue…

Mama said knock you out

Dear Murray: I have been getting the urge lately to fucking punch my boyfriend in the face. What should I do? Punch the fuck out of him or tell him how i feel in a nice calm way.. even though I ask him OVER AND OVER AND OVER again to just pay attention to the little things he does that piss me off? About to knock some teeth out, Mike …continue…