It’s No Fun (Being a Genesis Song)

What are your thought on illegal immigration? I say fuck ’em! If their forefathers were too lazy and stupid to hang on to their real estate that’s not our problem. Plus, look what squalid garbage heap countries most of these people come from. What makes us think our country won’t end up looking exactly like that??! I say we bill the countries of origin of these assholes and start tying the tubes of every woman who wades across the Rio Grande!

AMERICA IS TEH AWESOME! SPEAK ENGLISH OR DIE! Hell, if I don’t find a flag and a Bible to jerk off to in the next 65 seconds, my head is gonna explode.

Well, you wanted to know my thoughts, not the prevalent thoughts, so here goes. First of all, to get all worked up about this shit, you’ve gotta buy into the load of shit that is borders and property ownership and all that crap. Sure, we’re territorial beasts, but what do we really own? You buy a plot of land for which to make your homestead, and some company owns the mineral rights underneath. Hell, we’re not too far off fromĀ water being the new oil.

It’s gonna totally suck for all you lazy, stupid people who gotta pay $5.00 a gallon at the pumps for some ExxonH2O, just to brush your rotting teeth. Hey, you shoulda seen it coming, though, right? Personally, I can’t wait until all the land and everything under it are owned by five white guys. It’s too damned confusing having to pay so many different motherfuckers every month. One world, one check. Hell, he’ll also be my boss/missa massa, so I won’t even have to write a check. Woohoo! Convenience. It’s what our forefathers died for!

But I digress.

Sure, you motherfuckers can buy into the whole illegal immigration bullshit all you want, just like you bought into the whole MUST PROTECT THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE crap they’re feeding you. These are obviously the most pressing issues of our times. GAY MESSICANS ARE RUINING OUR COUNTRY!

I mean, hell. If you add up all the money that every illegal immigrant who has ever come here has made, it couldn’t pay for the war in Iraq. Illegal immigrants make peanuts, so your asses can have cheap tomatoes, and your favorite chinese restaurant can offer the $2.99 special. Our economy is dependent upon cheap Mexican labor, and the minute they’re all deported, the cost of goddamned everything will skyrocket, and soccer moms everywhere will go on shooting rampages in the Wal Mart checkout lines. WE ARE AMERICANS, AND WE HAVE A CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO FALLING PRICES!

But the part that really gets me is how this whole illegal immigration makes being a racist trendy again. It’s one thing to discuss illegal immigration v. legal immigration, playing the game and going the legal path and all that bullshit. That isn’t the debate I hear. What I hear is “HOW COMES AH GOTS TUH PRESS 1 FER ENGLISH ON MUH PHONE? IT AIN’T RIGHT!”

I never realized the English Colony REPRESENT instinct was still so embedded in us. English is OUR language? Who the fuck is WE? VA FANGUL! I’ve got more Italian in me than anything else, so lick my ass with that British empire superiority bullshit.

I could understand if we’d made up our own language, but here we are, 200+ years later, clinging to the fucking language of the country we seceded from. THE ONLY LANGUAGE WE HAVE INVENTED SINCE WE CAME HERE IS EBONICS.

Now, if all y’all want to make Ebonics our official language, and force everyone to learn to speak it, I am totally down with that idea. Otherwise, shut the fuck up with all the speak English or die crap.

We’re headed toward squalid garbage heaps faster than any country in history. We consume shit, we dump shit, we eat shit, we pollute shit. Our toilets are the biggest toilets in the whole goddamned world. They have to be, to swallow the ginormous turds that flow from our fat assholes. WE ARE COVERING OUR OWN SELVES IN SHIT.

I’m not worried, though. Once BP buys the garbage rights to my land, I’MA BE SET!

Now leave me the fuck alone.