Will Beg for Caviar

Dear Murray; i hate poor snobs. don’t misread me, i give up my seat to old people and if a bum says he just wants money for some booze, i’ll buy him a fo’ty. i am super so nice. but just now, having dinner, i was approached by an aggressive panhandler. an old woman, healthy and reasonably articulate, well-groomed except for very sketchy dental structure. whilst she was enjoying strawberry …continue…

Humility and the art of baby-naming

Dear Murray, My woman wants to name our baby boy Draco. Well, I think that’s the best idea I’ve ever heard. There are plenty of kids out there named Moon or Rock or Earthfart, and they desperately need someone else’s ass to kick. You’ll be doing the world a great service! People really need to think about the repercussions of the name they stick their chilluns with. Picking a name …continue…

How to Catch the Right One

Dear Murray: Feed my some of your wisdom. What is your viewpoint on Love in general. I am a mother of one and my husband and I are seperated. I doubt that we will ever get back together. I am quite sure it will end in divorce. I am not ready to date obviously, but when I finally am, what would some good advice be for getting back into the …continue…

When Nobody in Your Own State Will Love You

Dear Murray: hi i have read alot of the stuff you had typed and agreed with it thats why im asking you for some help if you could you see i live in floirda and this guy i am going out with lives in ohio i am 25 hes 29 but the problem is he lives so far its really hard i never cheated on him and would do what …continue…

Your Blog is Complete Balls

Dear Murray, been reading your blog now for a while and i have to say “good work” its just so funny, how do you do it? why cant i make my blog funny too? mine is complete balls compared to yours, so i have just gave in tryin. Doyle There may be more truth in this question than in any of the questions I’ve ever been asked in my life. …continue…