Whores, Incorporated

Dear Murray What are your thoughts on prostitution? Should it be legalized or not? It sucks having to go all the way to Tijuana to get some easy ass. -Horny in Hollywood Lemme tell ya, it’s a sad fucking cuntry we live in when you can sell your soul, but you can’t sell your ass. So, let’s combine these two pasttimes, why don’t we? First, we legalize prostitution. Then, we …continue…

Leave that job in STYLE

Dear Murray: Help me out please. I need an idea of how to exact my revenge without getting arrested. Here’s why: I’ve worked at this piece of shit company for a little over a year now. I was hired to do HR work and instead I get to do bullshit secretary work. The execs at this place are all chauvinistic pigs (I wasn’t aware of this when I accepted the …continue…

You can’t get a ticket for being a cracker

Dear Murray How can I erase a speeding ticket from another state without waking up next to a horse’s head? Stupid fucking California DMV won’t let me get a license here until I pay this other stupid fucking state. -Johnny Knuckles Just why do ya need a California license is what I wanna know. Unless you’re Black or Mexican, or worse, Blaxican, LAPD ain’t gonna pull your ass over anyway. …continue…

JESUS FREAKIN YNGWIE MALMSTEEN CHRIST

Dear Murray i just moved to LA from Dayton, Ohio and I have noticed that I am having problems getting laid. Telling them about my 80’s theme band “Pink Rock Glitter” doesn’t seem to impress them, and all I can afford is a damaged rental car from this werid pakistani guy on Cahuenga Blvd. I am wondering now if it’s a good idea to tell them that I am a …continue…

Kickin it on Magnolia in the Burbank Hoods

Dear Murray i am a germany born eastern european female in my mid 20s, medium blonde with green blue eyes.I watch all those cool videos on MTV with 50 cent and now I want to start wearing doorags, so I can fit in. Do you think the bruthaz will notice if that am not really black? Please help! -c-dawg from da BH hood You think the world hasn’t noticed that …continue…