Whores, Incorporated

Dear Murray What are your thoughts on prostitution? Should it be legalized or not? It sucks having to go all the way to Tijuana to get some easy ass. -Horny in Hollywood Lemme tell ya, it’s a sad fucking cuntry we live in when you can sell your soul, but you can’t sell your ass. So, let’s combine these two pasttimes, why don’t we? First, we legalize prostitution. Then, we …continue…

JESUS FREAKIN YNGWIE MALMSTEEN CHRIST

Dear Murray i just moved to LA from Dayton, Ohio and I have noticed that I am having problems getting laid. Telling them about my 80’s theme band “Pink Rock Glitter” doesn’t seem to impress them, and all I can afford is a damaged rental car from this werid pakistani guy on Cahuenga Blvd. I am wondering now if it’s a good idea to tell them that I am a …continue…

Kickin it on Magnolia in the Burbank Hoods

Dear Murray i am a germany born eastern european female in my mid 20s, medium blonde with green blue eyes.I watch all those cool videos on MTV with 50 cent and now I want to start wearing doorags, so I can fit in. Do you think the bruthaz will notice if that am not really black? Please help! -c-dawg from da BH hood You think the world hasn’t noticed that …continue…

Bush, like all other robots, IS evil

Dear Murray: One of the unfortunate things about LA is that everyone’s a fucking “actor”. They walk alike… they talk alike… they’ve assimilated into a single collective genius. So, how does one find a true opinion in this condition? How do you separate the affected from the affectation? It’s become draining to hear “Bush is evil” from people who can’t tell you why or, alternatively, offer a parroted, pirated version …continue…

Too old to rock (I need my sleep)

Dear Murray I’m in a band, and lately I haven’t had any time for anything. I never have enough time to sleep. I’ve been thinking of quitting the band, and I need a diplomatic way to let them know. Carl The truth there, buddy, is your band could really care less. You’re only in the band because you have a van and they need someone to haul their shit around. …continue…