Whores, Incorporated

Dear Murray

What are your thoughts on prostitution? Should it be legalized or not? It sucks having to go all the way to Tijuana to get some easy ass.
-Horny in Hollywood

Lemme tell ya, it’s a sad fucking cuntry we live in when you can sell your soul, but you can’t sell your ass. So, let’s combine these two pasttimes, why don’t we? First, we legalize prostitution. Then, we can regulate it, tax it, and make sure the hookers are clean. Then, we take that motherfucker to Wall Street. That’s right. Whores, Inc., is gonna be the fucking biggest IPO ever to hit. Fuckers are gonna go crazy when our ticker symbol comes across the screen:


HO +45.23
I CAN BUY THAT NEW HOUSE! Sure, it’s gonna have its ups and downs: condom shortages, natural drop in consumer demand right after xmas, but hell. I think the most beautiful thing I can ever imagine would be a buncha motherfucking suits running around freaking the fuck out. OH MY GOD! CHLAMYDIA OUTBREAK! WHORES ARE DOWN! SELL! SELL! SEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL! That’s like xmas, the 4th of July, and Bastille Day all rolled into one, right there.We launch Jan. 1. Now leave me the fuck alone.

4 Responses to Whores, Incorporated

  1. Please send me a prospectus. And lemme know where and when to send the money. No way i’m not gonna be “in” on this.

  2. Probably the one capitalist venture where you don’t really need to see their 5-year plan. You KNOW it’s gonna be around a while.

  3. There’s a full thong salute to you Ole Man! I can see the headlines now..You never stop making me smile…

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