Kickin it on Magnolia in the Burbank Hoods

Dear Murray

i am a germany born eastern european female in my mid 20s, medium blonde with green blue eyes.I watch all those cool videos on MTV with 50 cent and now I want to start wearing doorags, so I can fit in. Do you think the bruthaz will notice if that am not really black? Please help!
-c-dawg from da BH hood

You think the world hasn’t noticed that Michael Jackson isn’t black? This is a tough question for me, since I know you’ve built your entire vernacular from years of watching Yo! MTV Raps! but I’m up for the challenge. As I said before, Murray grew up in the hood. As much of a hood as there could be in the smaller town I was from. If you wanna impress black people, I learned a little secret. Be yourself. Just because you watched Roots don’t mean that you can relate to “mah peeps”. They’re not gonna care about how you “kicked it on Magnolia in the Burbank hoods back in the day.” So give it up. If you need a look to fit in somewhere, lemme suggest you model yourself after these guys. You’ll fit right in.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

3 Responses to Kickin it on Magnolia in the Burbank Hoods

  1. You’re so right, a do-rag isn’t enough. When you get there, start talking really loudly about how you love fried chicken and watermellon and how you have tons of black friends. If it worked for Fuzzy Zoller back in the 90’s, it should work for you. Black people love that shit. And grape soda.

  2. Don’t forget to talk real loud on your cell phone during a movie. And then when you are done, talk to the people IN the movie like they can hear you.

    Finally, you leave in your hoopdie, sippin’ on gin & juice from your gem-encrusted goblet… BOIIIIIIIIIII!!!

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