Does this blog make me look fat?

Posted in : Limp Dicks on by : Dear Murray Comments: 0

Dear Murray,

Let’s share the love a little bit, here. After all those shrill, self-righteous rants I just read against fat people, I’m feeling a little left out. You see, I’m a recovering anorexic. I am 5’8″ tall, and at various points in my life I’ve weighed as little as 85 pounds. I have never tried to blame my condition on the media, or anything but my own sick psyche.

However, since I notice that people without eating disorders are usually the ones most eager to “cast the first stone”, I say let’s spread the hatred around! This world is so much nicer when we’re all judging one another, don’t you think?


“You ain’t nothin but a bag of bones, covered in a thin layer of FAG.” God, I loved Kids in the Hall.

Watching TV and getting sucked into pop culture’ll definitely put the fear of lard in ya. I do think bulemia and anorexia are passe these days, in favor of even more psyche-damaging fads like ATKINS. The fuck is going on here? Carl’s, Jr. has this creepy giant hamburger wrapped only in lettuce. What kinda ghetto fucking meal is that? WHEN WILL THE MEATSHAKE ARRIVE? COME THE REVOLUTION, COME THE MEATSHAKE.

The world would be such a better fucking place if we all knew how to use moderation, eh? Walk the middle way path of the Buddha, and we’ll all be happy and healthy and the world would have no fucking variety. Skinny people would have no fat people to make fun of. Fat people would have no anorexic people to make fun of. It’s such a wonderful symbiosis.

The people in the middle have the biggest dilemma. In a world where you are defined by your adversities and disorders, HOW CAN MR./MRS. AVERAGE GET AN INVITE TO BE ON RICKI LAKE MOTHAFUCKA! My entire empire of dirt for just one GO RICKI!

You’re no different. We all got something we have to crutch onto. C.F.S, A.D.D., pay ATTENTION TO ME!

Have you noticed how it’s fucking trendy to be in therapy these days? Are we really this fucked as a society? A: YES! I’m thinking of going into therapy on account of I’ve developed a complex due to the fact that all of my friends are in therapy.

Were you one of those people who would do like 500 sit ups a night, ’cause you were feeling guilty about that small order of french fries you had at lunch? Christ. Eat a sammich already.

Now leave me the fuck alone.