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Does this blog make me look fat?

Dear Murray,

Let’s share the love a little bit, here. After all those shrill, self-righteous rants I just read against fat people, I’m feeling a little left out. You see, I’m a recovering anorexic. I am 5’8″ tall, and at various points in my life I’ve weighed as little as 85 pounds. I have never tried to blame my condition on the media, or anything but my own sick psyche.

However, since I notice that people without eating disorders are usually the ones most eager to “cast the first stone”, I say let’s spread the hatred around! This world is so much nicer when we’re all judging one another, don’t you think?


“You ain’t nothin but a bag of bones, covered in a thin layer of FAG.” God, I loved Kids in the Hall.

Watching TV and getting sucked into pop culture’ll definitely put the fear of lard in ya. I do think bulemia and anorexia are passe these days, in favor of even more psyche-damaging fads like ATKINS. The fuck is going on here? Carl’s, Jr. has this creepy giant hamburger wrapped only in lettuce. What kinda ghetto fucking meal is that? WHEN WILL THE MEATSHAKE ARRIVE? COME THE REVOLUTION, COME THE MEATSHAKE.

The world would be such a better fucking place if we all knew how to use moderation, eh? Walk the middle way path of the Buddha, and we’ll all be happy and healthy and the world would have no fucking variety. Skinny people would have no fat people to make fun of. Fat people would have no anorexic people to make fun of. It’s such a wonderful symbiosis.

The people in the middle have the biggest dilemma. In a world where you are defined by your adversities and disorders, HOW CAN MR./MRS. AVERAGE GET AN INVITE TO BE ON RICKI LAKE MOTHAFUCKA! My entire empire of dirt for just one GO RICKI!

You’re no different. We all got something we have to crutch onto. C.F.S, A.D.D., pay ATTENTION TO ME!

Have you noticed how it’s fucking trendy to be in therapy these days? Are we really this fucked as a society? A: YES! I’m thinking of going into therapy on account of I’ve developed a complex due to the fact that all of my friends are in therapy.

Were you one of those people who would do like 500 sit ups a night, ’cause you were feeling guilty about that small order of french fries you had at lunch? Christ. Eat a sammich already.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

Categories: Limp Dicks

Dear Murray

Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.

He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".

His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.

A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.

It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.

He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.

Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.