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Your Blog is Complete Balls

Dear Murray,
been reading your blog now for a while and i have to say “good work” its just so funny, how do you do it? why cant i make my blog funny too? mine is complete balls compared to yours, so i have just gave in tryin.

There may be more truth in this question than in any of the questions I’ve ever been asked in my life. Yes, it’s true. Your blog IS “complete balls.” But, it could be worse! At least you know it, and knowing is the first step to recovery.

Giving up trying is the best damn thing you can do, too. TRYING to be funny is perhaps the most counterproductive endeavors man can ever undertake. I’m looking at YOU, Carlos Mencia. I’m looking at YOU, Andy Dick. I’m looking at YOU, entire SNL alumni 1995-present.

If it’s funny to you, fucking say it. Usually, other people will laugh. Whether they’re laughing with you or at you is irrelevant. The funniest motherfuckers alive don’t even know it. It’s better that they don’t! Legendary case in point: }-{ello my future girlfriend. You cannot intentionally plan shit to be that funny.

So quit with the trying bullshit. If you wanna be funny, you need to pick a side. Do you want to be the butt of the joke, or the maker of the joke? Both sides are required in this whole symbiotic comedic relationship, neither more or less important than the other.

(just kidding, as soon as I press “Post” you’re gonna be the butt of roughly 173 jokes, so you really have no choice in the matter).


Now leave me the fuck alone.

Categories: First-Class Whining

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Dear Murray

Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.

He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".

His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.

A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.

It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.

He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.

Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.