Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.
He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".
His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.
A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.
It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.
He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.
Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.
Dear Murray: Being a girl that like girls is really fucking hard because girls really can suck. Well, I got dumped about five months ago but we have remained friends. I haven’t talked to her in about a month. Now, I really miss her but she is pressing for me […]
Dear Murray, I volunteer at Much Love Animal Shelter, I am a devout vegan and I don’t believe in the death penalty, but something happened tonight that shook me to the bone. I don’t know what happened. I think my feral animal nature over-rode my animal-loving nature, but today I […]
Dear Murray: Do you have much knowledge or thoughts on 12 step programs? One of my questions, can you recover from addiction to crack cocaine but be able to drink socially at some point? You know Murray ain’t never needed any 12-step program. The first step would be them […]
Dear Sarah Palin: Let’s face it. You’re not that hot. It’s all perspective. Sure, in a shotgun to my head game of Fuck, Marry, Kill with you, Libby Dole, and Diane Feinstein, I’d be throwing it in you faster than you could say “Caribou.” Compared to the rest of the […]
Dear Murray: I’m so fed up with my job. The company I work for is the most boring company on the face of the Earth. We make books for real estate appraisers. Real boring shit. Some of the people around here get excited about this shit, and it makes me […]