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Thinkin’ about your gash hole

Dear Murray:

Being a girl that like girls is really fucking hard because girls really can suck. Well, I got dumped about five months ago but we have remained friends. I haven’t talked to her in about a month. Now, I really miss her but she is pressing for me to “get over her”. So yeah, I really want to be mean to her cause she really has no idea what I have been going through. Well, basically my question is this; How the fuck do you get over someone when they insist you be there for them and be there friend even when it kills you to be around them. Should I just say fuck it, I mean if she can’t stop to think about what I need then there is no point, right?! She has changed so much and I don’t even want to be with the person that she has become. I just miss how wonderful I felt when we were together. Why do I need someone else to make me feel good? I never used to. How do I get back to that point?

What timing. I’ve watched this about 26 times already today:

Sheeit. It’s interesting seeing this shit coming from a lesbian ’cause it’s the same goddamned bullshit ALL of us gotta deal with. No matter what slot we’re putting in what hole, it looks like we’re all full of the same exact motherfucking bullshit.

People are motherfucking selfish. COME HERE NO GO AWAY. I never was any good playing with yo yos when I was a kid and I sure the fuck haven’t learned anything about them now.

How do you get over them? YOU OPEN YOUR DAMNED MOUTH and tell them to just fucking leave you the fuck alone (getting any ideas why this is my favorite phrase yet?), otherwise they’ll lure your ass back into their little web over and over and over and over and… too late. Your self-respect is out the window around the third OVER. That’s why yo ass just can’t say no. You’ve got nothing left until you just fucking say FUCK YOU!

Shit. That’s cool and all if someone wants to end a thing. No big fucking deal. Just keep your motherfuckin word. If it’s over, it’s fuckin over. You got all new honeypots to dip into. ’cause lemme tell ya, right now yo’ ass might be all OH MY GOD I LOVED HER SOOOOO MUCH AND I WILL NEVER EVER RECOVER FROM THIS SHIT, then one fuckin day you wake up and go WOW. That really was a lame bitch that I let get my ass all knotted up, wasn’t it?

Today’s goddess is tomorrow’s toofless hag. Maybe she always was a hag, but it’s all in perspective, any goddamned way.

Maybe I just have a soft spot for toofless hags.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

Categories: Uncategorized

Dear Murray

Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.

He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".

His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.

A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.

It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.

He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.

Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.