Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.
He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".
His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.
A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.
It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.
He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.
Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.
Dear Murray Do you think the president is gay? I read the other day that Hitler was supposedly gay, too. Please clarify. -confused in D.C. I fuckin wish he was gay. More funding for the arts, our nation’s colors would change to match the seasons, and Secretary of Defense: Liza […]
Dear Murray You know those nylon-mesh bags I have that I put my lingerie in so that it doesn’t get all tangled up and snagged in the washing machine? How many pairs of thong underwear can I put in at once? What about bras? What if I want to combine […]
Dear Murray: One of the unfortunate things about LA is that everyone’s a fucking “actor”. They walk alike… they talk alike… they’ve assimilated into a single collective genius. So, how does one find a true opinion in this condition? How do you separate the affected from the affectation? It’s become […]
Dear Murray: why do women love dancing so goddamn much? – out of step Hell, I’ve seen relationships end over this. My ex once said to me “we’re too different” and then, sounding like a line from one of those fucking 80s forbidden-dance-of-love movies “ALL I WANT TO DO IS […]
Dear Murray I’m trying to lose weight, and I need a good weight loss method. Any suggestions? -b Goddamn. You know you’re in LA when you try to give a homeless man a sammich and he asks you “how many carbs are in that?” My grandmother weighed 850 lbs. She […]