Menu Home

Murray’s 100% Guaranteed plan for LOSING WEIGHT!

Dear Murray

I’m trying to lose weight, and I need a good weight loss method. Any suggestions?


Goddamn. You know you’re in LA when you try to give a homeless man a sammich and he asks you “how many carbs are in that?” My grandmother weighed 850 lbs. She lied on the couch all day and ate. So do the opposite of that, ok? It’s not so fucking hard, people. Go to the fair sometime and look for the guy working the duck game. That guy’s never fat! He’s always greasy and thin, looking alot like that creepy old guy in Poltergeist II walking around singing “the lord is iiiiiin his holy teeeeemple.” So follow Murray’s weight loss program closely: get yourself a giant tub, fill it with water and plastic ducks, eat nothing but nachos and funnel cakes, and stand by the tub all day picking the fucking ducks out of the tub. You’ll be well on your way to the body you want.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

Categories: Fat asses Links

Dear Murray

Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.

He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".

His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.

A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.

It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.

He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.

Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.