Wash Day Woes

Dear Murray

You know those nylon-mesh bags I have that I put my lingerie in so that it doesn’t get all tangled up and snagged in the washing machine? How many pairs of thong underwear can I put in at once? What about bras? What if I want to combine undies and bras? Thanks in advance,

Washday Woes

What I’m not understanding here is why you need to wash them at all. You’re sitting atop a gold mine, lady. Allow me to demonstrate. Let’s say you pay $20 a thong. You wear it for, say three days. The going rate for such goods would appear to be somewhere in the $50-$100 range. Even more if you fit within the following keywords: “college” “teen” “lesbian” “martha stewart”. You know it’s big business if eBay had to develop a standard for pantie sales. So quit thinkin about what you can stuff in your bag, and think about all those dollars you’re washing down the drain. There’s an infinite amount of dudes sitting there right now with $50 in one hand and… umm… I’m NOT GONNA TELL YOU WHAT’S IN THE OTHER HAND. Come on, lady, let Murray be your business manager.

Now leave me the fuck alone.