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Wash Day Woes

Dear Murray

You know those nylon-mesh bags I have that I put my lingerie in so that it doesn’t get all tangled up and snagged in the washing machine? How many pairs of thong underwear can I put in at once? What about bras? What if I want to combine undies and bras? Thanks in advance,

Washday Woes

What I’m not understanding here is why you need to wash them at all. You’re sitting atop a gold mine, lady. Allow me to demonstrate. Let’s say you pay $20 a thong. You wear it for, say three days. The going rate for such goods would appear to be somewhere in the $50-$100 range. Even more if you fit within the following keywords: “college” “teen” “lesbian” “martha stewart”. You know it’s big business if eBay had to develop a standard for pantie sales. So quit thinkin about what you can stuff in your bag, and think about all those dollars you’re washing down the drain. There’s an infinite amount of dudes sitting there right now with $50 in one hand and… umm… I’m NOT GONNA TELL YOU WHAT’S IN THE OTHER HAND. Come on, lady, let Murray be your business manager.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

Categories: First-Class Whining Limp Dicks

Dear Murray

Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.

He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".

His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.

A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.

It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.

He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.

Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.