Dear Murray:

why do women love dancing so goddamn much?

– out of step

Hell, I’ve seen relationships end over this. My ex once said to me “we’re too different” and then, sounding like a line from one of those fucking 80s forbidden-dance-of-love movies “ALL I WANT TO DO IS DANCE”. Not to take anything away from the manliest man who ever lived, Kevin Bacon, but LOOK what legacy he’s left us. Hollywood’s left us with a fucking tainted view of reality. We ain’t never gonna come up saying “NOBODY PUTS BABY IN A CORNER”. Not without spitting our well-deserved beer outta our nose. Fuck Rudolph Valentino! Don’t try yanking us out there trying to make us have a “good time.” We’re perfectly happy sitting on a chair with a beer and watching, maybe holding up our beer every once in awhile in the universal sign of male approval of what you’re doing.

Now leave me the fuck alone.