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Dear Murray:

why do women love dancing so goddamn much?

– out of step

Hell, I’ve seen relationships end over this. My ex once said to me “we’re too different” and then, sounding like a line from one of those fucking 80s forbidden-dance-of-love movies “ALL I WANT TO DO IS DANCE”. Not to take anything away from the manliest man who ever lived, Kevin Bacon, but LOOK what legacy he’s left us. Hollywood’s left us with a fucking tainted view of reality. We ain’t never gonna come up saying “NOBODY PUTS BABY IN A CORNER”. Not without spitting our well-deserved beer outta our nose. Fuck Rudolph Valentino! Don’t try yanking us out there trying to make us have a “good time.” We’re perfectly happy sitting on a chair with a beer and watching, maybe holding up our beer every once in awhile in the universal sign of male approval of what you’re doing.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

Categories: Bitches Limp Dicks

Dear Murray

Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.

He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".

His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.

A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.

It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.

He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.

Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.