Is the president gay?

Dear Murray

Do you think the president is gay?
I read the other day that Hitler was supposedly gay, too.
Please clarify.
-confused in D.C.

I fuckin wish he was gay. More funding for the arts, our nation’s colors would change to match the seasons, and Secretary of Defense: Liza Minnelli! However, it could be true if you consider the Conservative viewpoint. They sure go on and on an awful lot, so let me paraphrase: “OH DEAR GOD BRING ME WHAT’S LEFT OF RONALD REAGAN SO I CAN LICK HIS ASS.” That said, Mr. President Dubya is too fucking stupid to be gay. Interesting that you bring up Hitler, though. You ever look at the comparisons between Hitler’s agenda and Big Baby Bush? Both Hitler and Big Bush spoke of a NEW WORLD ORDER. The first thing they both did when they took office was raise a big stink about the flag. Lastly, I have it on authority that they both did, in fact, lick Ron Reagan’s ass. So, Mr. President Dubya is nothing but a puppet for his old man. Gay? Hell, he couldn’t pick out a color-coordinated outfit to save his life. He can, however, do a good job picking his nose.

Now leave me the fuck alone.