Dealing with a hot date when the red river is flowing

Dear Murray when i was 11 i started getting these visits every month. my insides begin spilling and i need to plug myself with them cotton/rayon blends they call tampons. how do i make it stop? esp. on them nights when i have hott dates? Less Absorbing Date won’t go there when the river’s flowin’, eh? I would trade bleeding a few days a month for the freedom of mouth …continue…

There’s no whining in football (especially when you win!)

So, the annual Colts-Patriots epic matchup came and went, and did not disappoint. The Colts knocked the Patriots around for a while, had the game in hand, and let it slip away at the end. It was a tough loss, a game we should have won, yadda yadda yadda. Meanwhile, the Patriots can’t let winning be enough. There has been non-stop whining coming out of New England since the fucking …continue…

If Only You Were Lonely, Too

Dear Murray hey, murray, you seem to have a way with words. i try talking to women in bars, but i never seem to have any luck. maybe i’m not saying the right things. please help! tell me what to say! -Speechless in Silverlake You were at the Drawing Room last night, weren’t you? Well, I know each girl is different, but I don’t fucking know many who are turned …continue…

Up yer ass with Donnie Darko!

Dear Murray I’ve been doing this online dating thing for quite some time, but it never seems to work out. I’m an attractive, artsy girl with my own apartment, eclectic tastes and a good sense of humor. None of these guys ever want to get serious with me. All I want is a solid relationship. Is that too much to ask? -Single in Silverlake Oh god, please stand still for …continue…