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Dealing with a hot date when the red river is flowing

Dear Murray

when i was 11 i started getting these visits every month. my insides begin spilling and i need to plug myself with them cotton/rayon blends they call tampons.

how do i make it stop? esp. on them nights when i have hott dates?

Less Absorbing

Date won’t go there when the river’s flowin’, eh? I would trade bleeding a few days a month for the freedom of mouth that comes with it. Seriously, you fucking have license during PMS to say whatever the fuck you want, and everyone else is supposed to dismiss it. OH GOD I WANNA CUT OFF YOUR DICK AND MAKE PIGS IN BLANKETS FROM IT–whoops, sorry, PMS. teehee. I want that kinda freedom! Shit, if you think Murray’s a wiseasshole now, just you wait! Put my cranky, bloated ass in line at the DMV and we’re gonna see some motherfuckin’ shit go down! OH LISTEN TO ME BITCH! YOU GONNA TAKE MY PHOTO AGAIN AND YOU’RE GOOONNA MAKE ME PRETTY! NO YOU DID-NT!

Ahh, fuck. Why you want it to stop? You trying to put up some pleasant front and shit? Fuck that, that ain’t real. Just grab your date by the ears and say something like IF YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR EX ONE MORE TIME I’m gonna wedge the apple from your martini in your fuckin’ anus! ‘Cause that shit is real. Guys like real.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

Categories: Links

Dear Murray

Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.

He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".

His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.

A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.

It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.

He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.

Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.