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Yet another asskisser

Dear Murray

I am a mother of three, recently divorced. I like your frankness in dealing with people. I find myself very drawn and attracted to you. I would like to give you my number so that we can talk. What do you think?
— angela

As you can tell from these blogs, I’m very shy and sensitive. You gotta build up a level of trust with Murray. You got a 48 hour window in which not to bore me. If ya make it past that, and you haven’t gotten one of the rejection lines listed below, then yo’ ass has impressed me. So go ahead. Gimme your number. I promise I won’t post it on my blog or anything like that, no no.

Ya really think Murray would make a good role model for your kids? You’re gonna be expecting me to babysit, and with that many kids, Murray’s game of choice is always a game of “HIDE AND GO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR 30 MINUTES PLEASE WILL YA? NO MURRAY AIN’T GOT NO STINKIN’ POKEY-MAN.” Else maybe they can take turns grabbin me beers while I read them kids stories by Proudhon. Sound good?

GIMME YOUR DIGITS or leave me the fuck alone.

Categories: General Malaise

Dear Murray

Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.

He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".

His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.

A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.

It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.

He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.

Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.