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Two words: DOG BALLS

Dear Murray

I have a crush on this British guy at work, and he seems a little more sophisticated than the guys I usually date. What can I do to get his attention?


You’re in luck. Murray has extensive experience dealing with the British. I once punched this British guy in the face at a party, but I didn’t get into trouble because first I shouted “NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION”. If you look at the cultural differences between the United States and Britain, you can learn alot. For example, look at our slang for the phrase “wow, that’s really something great.” In the U.S., we might say something like “Man, that shit is DOPE”, whereas over there, they would say “That’s the dog’s BOLLOCKS!” What does this teach us? Americans are preoccupied with drugs and poo, and the British with dog balls.

If you really want to impress this guy, grow yourself a set of dog balls. Now leave me the fuck alone.

Categories: Makin' fun of bums

Dear Murray

Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.

He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".

His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.

A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.

It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.

He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.

Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.