Menu Home

Picking your plaque and smelling it, too

Dear Murray,

i have plaque in my teeth like evreyone else…but i love to pick it out and smell it unlike everyone else…does that make me gay??????


Talia the nose and plaque picker.

Damn. Well, we all got disgusting shit we do behind closed doors. Why do we look in the toilet after a shit? Why? Do we get some sense of pride and awe? DAMN! THAT just came out of MY asshole! BOO-YA! Seriously, though, I took a shit just last week that looked a lot like Kirstey Alley. I took a picture, but not even the weekly world news would buy that shit.

I’ll wager that 99.99999% of us smell our finger after we pick our ears. WHY? WHY? WHY? We already know what it’s gonna smell like, ’cause we’ve fucking smelled it every time, but still we persist! It’s not the fucking Antique Road Show! We don’t gotta verify the authenticity of the ear wax! So what the fuck?

It gives us a sense of accomplishment. So be proud, brave warrior. You’ve made the plaque your bitch (does plaque really have a smell?). You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. You’re big enough to admit your disgusting little habits, and, that’s what truly turns men on.

Just don’t go eating the plaque and boogers. That’s way too circle of life and shit.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

Categories: Uncategorized

Dear Murray

Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.

He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".

His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.

A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.

It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.

He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.

Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.