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My job sucks (OMG I BET I’M THE ONLY ONE!)

Dear Murray

I have been contemplating leaving my job for another one. What should I do?


Ahh, hell. If you’re thinking about it enough to use words like “contemplating”, then you should have quit that shithole job a long time ago. You should update your resume and canvas all the job sites. Meanwhile, look into scoring yourself a sexual harrassment case or a frivolous work-related injury lawsuit to get the fuck out of there NOW. Once you give two weeks notice, you have a license for complete and total honesty with your coworkers. Like that fucking guy two cubicles down who sounds like two porpoises mating when he fucking laughs. Dude? Really? You just got divorced? I NEVER WOULD HAVE FUCKING GUESSED THAT ONE!

Once you get that new job making a ton more money, come support Murray so he can be shiftless and lazy. Now leave me the fuck alone.

Categories: Whoring for Money

Dear Murray

Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.

He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".

His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.

A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.

It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.

He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.

Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.