Dear Murray:I have a problem I hope you can help me with. (hehe) I have epilepsy and.. My assfuck doctors keep putting me on medication after medication. It’s fucking with me, physically and emotionally. All these different meds cause shitty side effects. What should I say or do tell them to kiss my ass? I’m not above calling nasty names too!
🙂 Thanks for your expert advice, Michelle

I once thought I had epilepsy. Turned out, though, that I was just looking at too many Myspace profiles where everygoddamnedthing <3 WaS *TyPeD* LiKe ThIs <3

Look, quit the bitchin’ and take charge! What is the perfect compliment to epilepsy? It’s goddamned well about time you flavored that with a little TOURETTE’S! Let’s face it, if there’s one debilitating disease out there we’d all love to be diagnosed with, it’s FUCKINGPISSFUCKHEAD TOURETTE’S! Hell, I’ve been pickling my brain for a good 60 years now with Snacky Cakes trying to score myself a positive diagnosis.

Imagine the looks on their faces if you came at ’em flailing AND cussing! Think Linda Blair in the Exorcist! Double up on the pea soup, just in time for Halloween!

Hell, at this point, I’ll bet the only thing wrong with you is the fact that you’re more jacked up on prescription drugs than Rush Limbaugh on a month-long Mexican hillbilly heroin binge!

Grab them motherfuckers by the balls and tell ’em LUCIPHER COMMANDS YOU TO EAT THEIR BALLS, and they’ll get a hell of a lot more accurate with their prescription pad, I GUARANTEE IT.

Now leave me the piss hell whore sucking cockhead fuck alone!