Ze Tiger AWAITS

Dear Murray:

This girl moved away and won’t write or call my roomate, and he keeps talking about her and how he has forgotten her, but he keeps talking about her and he won’t take her off his “my space” account. Should I tell him that the healthy thing to do is to let her go, or is there something even more caring I could say or do?

sensitive-new-age-roomate

You really had me until you said sensitive. Any man who refers to himself as sensitive is really saying “I will pretend to listen to you until you’re really weak and vulnerable, then I will pop out of your closet butt ass naked shouting ‘ze TIGER AWAKES!” You want this girl for yourself, don’t you, mr. ponytail?

Someone once told me “friends don’t let friends drive drunk. they get drunk and ride with ’em!” Get your friend loaded and he’ll be over it in no time. And take a fucking cab. Now leave me the fuck alone.