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Dear Murray:

This girl moved away and won’t write or call my roomate, and he keeps talking about her and how he has forgotten her, but he keeps talking about her and he won’t take her off his “my space” account. Should I tell him that the healthy thing to do is to let her go, or is there something even more caring I could say or do?


You really had me until you said sensitive. Any man who refers to himself as sensitive is really saying “I will pretend to listen to you until you’re really weak and vulnerable, then I will pop out of your closet butt ass naked shouting ‘ze TIGER AWAKES!” You want this girl for yourself, don’t you, mr. ponytail?

Someone once told me “friends don’t let friends drive drunk. they get drunk and ride with ’em!” Get your friend loaded and he’ll be over it in no time. And take a fucking cab. Now leave me the fuck alone.

Categories: Bitches General Malaise

Dear Murray

Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.

He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".

His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.

A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.

It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.

He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.

Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.