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Love your fellow man, love his hair lip

Dear Murray

I have a problem that I really need some clarity on. I’m dating this man, and it’s becoming pretty serious. My dilemma is that he is not that good looking to me. I am used to dating nice looking men and although I love him dearly I can’t get over this natural issue. I want to because I’m ready to move forward but if I’m honest with myself, there isn’t a day that goes by where this does not concern me. Please help.

HOw the motherfuck do you get this far? Did you dance on fucking eggshells hoping not to offend this fucker’s sensitive feelings about his giant rabbit teeth and his hairlip? WHAT THE FUCK? Everyone tries to be so fucking nice, but there’s a point where being nice is being shitty. JUST TELL THE FUCKING TRUTH. “Hey listen, buddy, I would date you if you lost 75 lbs.” “I would date you if you got that mole removed on your bottom lip”. FUCK. It’s just honesty. I LOVE HONESTY.

You’d be amazed how much less this hurts than 2 years from now when you’re married and sneaking off banging some non-hairlip dude.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

Categories: Limp Dicks

Dear Murray

Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.

He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".

His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.

A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.

It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.

He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.

Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.