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Lick my Circumorbital Hematoma

Dear Murray

I’ve been hanging out with this guy that I really like. We’ve been “dating” for a few months now, but have never had sex. Our physical encounters are not what most would consider the norm. *I end up with broken cartlidge, circumorbital hemmatomas,and bites that dont heal for weeks*…I thoroughly enjoy the physical trauma that we inflict on one another. How do I explain this relationship to people who dont deviate from the norm?

-Afflicted Perversion

Let me tell you one thing about normal people. I had some normal people invite me over to dinner. They served me tea, and talked to me about spelunking. Then they showed me their crib. No, I mean their CRIB. They had a giant-sized baby crib and they sit around every night in diapers and feed each other strained baby food and zweiback toast. Are you really concerned about what adults in diapers think about you?

Now leave me the fuck alone.

Categories: Kinky Shit Limp Dicks

Dear Murray

Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.

He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".

His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.

A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.

It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.

He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.

Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.