Murray, what is the best way to approach celebrities? I am invited to a party that Corey Haim is supposed to attend, and I want to like talk with him, but not come off as all lame. Do you have any advice for me?
Los Angeles, CA.
Oh, have the Coreys have fallen. Fortunately, I think it was the OTHER Corey who did that shitpot of a fucking sequel Rock and Roll High School Forever, or I’d go with you and stab the motherfucker in his Little Corey.
Given the nature of this celebrity, I suggest you treat him with tenderness. “HEY COREY! YOUR CAREER IS SHIT, BUT HEY, YOU’RE STILL ‘LICENSED TO DRIVE”! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA”
“Hey Corey, your last movie was great. It wasn’t because it sucked that nobody saw it. It’s because all your fans are now vampires, and they can’t come into your movie theater unless you invite them in. HAHHAHAHAHA!”
“Hey Corey, look on the bright side. There’s always a possibility of Lucas 2!”
Now leave me the fuck alone.
Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.
He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".
His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.
A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.
It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.
He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.
Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.