867-530-you’re a dumbass!

Dear Murray:

I met this girl in a bar, and we really hit it off. I asked her for her number, and she gave it to me. I’ve called her twice, and she hasn’t returned my call. What’s up with that?


I have a feeling that she hasn’t had time to return your call because she’s too busy IGNORING YOU. You called twice? Did you think she lost her phone or something? She gave me her phone number, too. It was 310-217-7638. I think you should keep calling it.

Now leave me the fuck alone.