When the dude wants a gentle fingerbang (in his ass)

Dear Murray

my fiance and i are having a huge problem in the bedroom. the other day he, um, asked me if i would, um , swallow. I have never done this before, and I am disgusted, but at the same time, i don’t want him to cheat on me… am I just not kinky enough? When he asked me to put my finger in his ass during sex, i agreed as well, but this is just going one step too far. Murray, please help!

“What’s the difference between like and love? spit or swallow!”-Sinead O’Connor. OK, OK. So Sinead didn’t say it first, I’m sure, but dammit, she said it (i saw it on TV), and if there ever was anyone full of GIRL POWER it’s Sinead. So, what? It’s good enough for Sinead, but not for you? You need to be more of a liberated woman. Shit. BURN YOUR BRA AND DRINK FROM THE FOUNTAIN, WOMAN!

But shit, compounded with the anal finger banging you gotta give him, I gotta think this dude’s getting off on making you do gross shit. SOOOO… I propose this. You gotta come up with equally disgusting things to make him do, and don’t try to tell me you can’t think of any! The female body is like a fucking baskin robbins 31 flavors of various orifices and the secretions they produce. TURNABOUT IS FAIR PLAY!

(I have many ideas but I cannot put them into print right now, as I just ate and do not wish to sicken everyone, most notably MYSELF).

Now leave me the fuck alone.