Dear Murray
my fiance and i are having a huge problem in the bedroom. the other day he, um, asked me if i would, um , swallow. I have never done this before, and I am disgusted, but at the same time, i don’t want him to cheat on me… am I just not kinky enough? When he asked me to put my finger in his ass during sex, i agreed as well, but this is just going one step too far. Murray, please help!
“What’s the difference between like and love? spit or swallow!”-Sinead O’Connor. OK, OK. So Sinead didn’t say it first, I’m sure, but dammit, she said it (i saw it on TV), and if there ever was anyone full of GIRL POWER it’s Sinead. So, what? It’s good enough for Sinead, but not for you? You need to be more of a liberated woman. Shit. BURN YOUR BRA AND DRINK FROM THE FOUNTAIN, WOMAN!
But shit, compounded with the anal finger banging you gotta give him, I gotta think this dude’s getting off on making you do gross shit. SOOOO… I propose this. You gotta come up with equally disgusting things to make him do, and don’t try to tell me you can’t think of any! The female body is like a fucking baskin robbins 31 flavors of various orifices and the secretions they produce. TURNABOUT IS FAIR PLAY!
(I have many ideas but I cannot put them into print right now, as I just ate and do not wish to sicken everyone, most notably MYSELF).
Now leave me the fuck alone.
Categories: Limp Dicks
Dear Murray
Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.
He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".
His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.
A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.
It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.
He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.
Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.