Up the creek without a rubber

Dear Murray

My boyfriend and I have been having this argument. He’s always forgetting to bring condoms, and he tells me that I’m responsible for birth control. I think he should share in the responsibility. Can you help us out?
-Maggie

You do realize that this argument is gonna be about as fucking fruitless as the lowering of the toilet seat argument, right? Sure, the fucker should ante up for some condoms and all if he wants to taste the sweetness, but really. You should have it no fucking matter what! Think about it. You’re gonna be too fuckin busy arguing that you’re not gonna notice when some serious shit goes down. “YOU KNOW WHAT you motherfucker! I’m sick of you not buying condoms! I’ll show you! I’ll-i’ll-i’ll just fuckin get pregnant! watch me!” By all means. You’re the one that has to carry that shit in your belly.

Then you can argue with the baby over WHOSE RESPONSIBILITY it is to STOP FUCKING WHINING and LEAVE MURRAY the fuck alone.