The Melrose-style mid-life crisis

Dear Murray

what do you think about a recently divorced guy who’s 38 years old, has long bleached-blonde hair, wears big chains and just got his nipples and his tongue pierced? i have to work with this guy and i’m beginning to wonder if maybe he’s some sort of latent homosexual.


It ain’t fuckin’ easy to offend Murray, but buddy, you just did it. You’re giving homosexuals a bad name. There are few things in this world uglier than hearing some 40-something computer programmer neck-deep in mid-life crisis saying MAN, THAT SHIT IS WHACK. This dude’s obviously feeling a little insecure if he ran out and did this shit all of a sudden after his divorce, then we sure know who ended that marriage. He’s trying to prove to himself that he’s still got it and that 19 year-old girls still want him. He just stole his persona from the Raver Ken doll. We all know how that one ended. That shit got pulled off the shelves and Mattel issued this statement: “We’re not in the business of putting cock rings into the hands of little girls.” – Lisa McKendall, Manager of Marketing and Communications, Mattel Toys. Everything you need to know about Raver Ken here. Fuck it, you know what? Maybe he is gay.

Now leave me the fuck alone.