The bi-coastal love pyramid scheme

Dear Murray

I think I am in love with two men at the same time. One guy lives in LA and the other lives in SF.

I am moving to Cali shortly for work – either to LA or SF. I now must decide on where to move and focus on my career. I am very torn because I know where I move will ultimately decide who I will be with. I know I should focus on what is best for me in terms of my work – but my heart is also on the line! Help!

Confused in Connecticut

Damn, girl, you sure get around! I’ve told you before, Murray ain’t the settling type! Ladies get attached to Murray and they gotta go trying to change him. “Don’t be so cranky,” “Tell me I’m pretty,” “Take a bath”. MURRAY CAN’T BE CHANGED!

Do you make a good faghag? There’s nothing wrong with it. My dear old mama was a faghag. If you pick San Fran, though, chances are you’re set in that for life, and you owe it to them to be a damned good one. If you move to LA, you need to run some phrases through your translator. “Let’s do lunch” means “Look, I ain’t callin’ your ass ever again… well, maybe if lunch is at The Standard and you pay.” “I’m working on a screenplay” means “Not really, but I fancy myself an intellectual… NOW LESS TALKING, MORE SUCKING”.

Shit. Who cares? Keep setting up franchises. I hear the men in Budapest are looking!

Now leave me the fuck alone before I fucking cry a river.