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Fuck the PO-lice, become the PO-lice!

Dear Murray:
where can i gets me one of them there ass whoopin flashlights like the cops carry?.. haha.

don’t they realize they’re on camera? its like people on reality TV shows who *forget* their on camera and start picking their ass or something.


Christ, you just made me regress a few years. First of all, that shit was all my parents ever watched. Fucking DirectTV… 15246514652 channels, and their asses lie on the couch stoned, eating chips and watching COPS. Which brings me to random memory #2. I was with my EX WIFE and one of our friends and this friend’s lame boyfriend. Someone decided WE should smoke pot, so lame-o takes us to his dealer’s house. We’re sitting there on the “couch” (was actually like a back seat from a Ford Galaxie) waiting for the deal to be done, and his roommate comes downstairs and gets introduced. He smiles at us. NO FUCKING FRONT TEETH TOP OR BOTTOM. He looked just like Daniel fucking Stern but toothless! Anyway, what was on the TV? COPS.

Why the fuck is it every time you go to some drug dealer’s house, they’re always watching COPS? Are they looking for someone they know? The whole fucking time, I was expecting to see a door kicked open and the back of my head on TV. Motherfuck.

Anyway, you can fucking find anything on ebay. VOILA!. Warning, though. That shit don’t work on white people. I’ve lived in LA long enough to know that all the police equipment is geared to only work on BROWN PEOPLE. So, if you’ve got it in for enough blacks and Mexicans to warrant the expense, HAVE AT IT.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

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Dear Murray

Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.

He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".

His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.

A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.

It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.

He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.

Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.