I’ve heard rumors about how masturbating can make you weak. I’ve heard how athletes abstain from sexual activity prior to a game because it drains their energy or adversely affects their stamina. Is there any truth to the rumor that either getting some, or beating your meat can adversely affect athletic performance?
-Petered Outin Pennsylvania
Lemme tell ya about my FAVORITE RELIGION: Tantra. Aww yeah. I don’t mean in one of those “hey, i’ll go to a workshop and learn how to tickle you with a feather” bullshit kinda ways. Any religion that believes that the fastest way to heaven is through mutual sexual bliss is THE RIGHT FUCKING DOGMA FOR ME!
They believe that men lose vitality through ejaculation, so they just learn how not to. Instead of shooting it out, they direct it inward. FUCKIN’ COOL. On the other hand, there are the practitioners of black Tantra. The whole point of it is to absorb energy from others through sex, and claim it as your own. SEXUAL PIRATES. I’ve been with one of these sexual pirates before, and while it was COOL, I could barely walk for a fucking week. It’s no fucking coincidence that the French call it la petit mort. The little death. It takes alot out of you IF YOU’RE DOING IT RIGHT.
Now that I’ve rambled, let me say… this is a dumb fucking question. Would you rather have sex or play basketball?
Now leave me the fuck alone.
Categories: Limp Dicks
Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.
He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".
His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.
A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.
It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.
He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.
Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.