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Dudes are growing invisible vaginas

Dear Murray

I was friends with this girl for a really long time and my best friend was in love with her a couple years ago.. She never liked him like that.. Just recently.. Starting a little over a month ago, we started hanging out more.. The whole group of us, and her and I started showing each other more attention(Honestly, she was the one in our group that didn’t get much attention, so I wanted to see if I could get her to like me by showering her with attention).. We grew closer and closer and it got to a point where I just needed to know what was going on, so I asked her how she felt about me and it turned out that she liked me as much as I liked her.. So, we went out on a ‘date.’ This is all behind the scenes because we don’t want any of the rest of our group to find out about any of it. On the date, we had a great time, and just before we left to come home, I kissed her. We kissed all the way home, and then went to my house and kissed all night long until like 4am. Later that week, we had lots and lots of sex. To this day, we’re still not officially “together,” but we still mess around. Ok, here’s the problem, I’m ready for all of this to end. I want to go back to being just friends. I don’t want a relationship with anyone right now. It’s nothing against her, I’ve just got too much going on in my life. However . . . She is in love with me. What am I supposed to do? I don’t want to hurt her. We talked about this in the beginning. I asked her if she thought that we’d be able to go back to being just friends, and she told me yes. But I really don’t feel that this is the case at this point. How do I go about at least starting the process of going back to being just friends, without breaking her heart? Is it even possible?

~dilemma in delaware

Oh, woe is you. This sounds like a fucking teen movie. Only, once you’ve built up the shy girl’s confidence and taken her glasses off and gotten her a makeover and start the banging, instead of running off to college together, you wanna dump her ass. FREDDIE PRINZE, JR. WOULDN’T DO THAT SHIT! Why the fuck didn’t ya think about this beforehand? It’s amazing how we can see all the signs for potential drama, and still we charge forward. Trust me, I’m no fucking exception.

I’m beginning to think we should draw up fuck buddy contracts. Cut out all the he said, she said bullshit. Microsoft could sell templates for it for MS Word, and make a mint.

If you talked about the shit in the beginning, stop your fucking worrying. That’s not what you’re really worried about, though, is it? You don’t really want it to stop. You just want all the love shit to stop. You’re secretly hoping the banging can go on, no strings attached. That ain’t gonna happen with this girl, so you can just give up that dream right now. You’re not breaking anyone’s fucking heart, she’s breaking her own. You talked about it up front, and still she thought “maybe I’ll convince him!”

Fucking lame. Why do you even wanna be friends? Christ.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

Categories: General Malaise

Dear Murray

Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.

He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".

His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.

A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.

It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.

He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.

Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.