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Are people born dumbasses, or are they just raise that way?

Dear Murray

Are people born faggots? I don’t like gay people and think they are bad people who molest children. My dad says they make kids gay too. I am confused because I don’t want to be gay like those Queer Eye Guys.

Well, first of all, we’re talking about two entirely separate things here. I do believe many gay people are born that way. Whether it’s genetics or upbringing or just a matter of personal choice, I really couldn’t give a fuck. Whatever two adults wanna do in the privacy of their own home is none of my fuckin’ business, ya know? Hell, I used to watch the 700 Club every goddamned day like it was Saturday morning cartoons. I once heard Pat Robertson say that the average homosexual has 75 sexual partners per night. Well JESUS FUCKIN BUNGHOLE CHRIST! No wonder they don’t wanna come out of the closet! TOO FUCKIN’ TIRED!

Now, on the other hand, FAGGOTS like yourself are mostly bred throughout the midwest and raised on a steady diet of corn and pigfuckin’. SUUUUEY indeed. You remind me of this time in college. I was in one of those intro Composition classes that they make everybody take. That’s where you’ll find the true geniuses in the fucking gene pool. I hated the fucking whole idea of the class. I got an A because my essays made a mockery of the whole process, and the teacher loved it. My theme paper compared the lives of Oedipus Rex and ELVIS PRESLEY! YAH! So anyway, we’re discussing Oedipus, and the teacher’s talking about Freudian psychology, and how every man is in love with his mother blahblahblah. So, this total faggot sitting next to me raises his hand from outta his ass and says “DURRR… is that like back in Greece when they made evuhboddy be gay?” Fucking christ. I tore into him. “They didn’t fuckin’ make anyone be gay! It was a fuckin’ status symbol you piece of shit! Now shut your fuckin’ redneck mouth before i STAB YOU and fuck the wound!”

I’ll see if I can get you his number, ’cause the two of you are like fuckin’ soul mates, man. Now leave me the fuck alone!

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Dear Murray

Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.

He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".

His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.

A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.

It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.

He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.

Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.