Dear Murray,
I’m six years younger than him, but already I can tell I’ve been through so much more Life. He sounds so naive sometimes, and I haven’t even told him. Oh Murray, I just couldn’t bear to see him hurt.

What am I to do?
-Wise Beyond My Years

You have a duty to break that mothafucka in right. There’s no room for naivety in this goddamned world. Ya gotta have street smarts if you’re gonna survive.

It’s gonna happen sooner or later. Someone’s gonna do something shitty, and it’s gonna click. PEOPLE ARE MEAN. PEOPLE ARE BAD. PEOPLE ARE SHITTY. Suck it up, mothafucka, ’cause there’s a whole lot more where that came from.

It might be cute for awhile, but that shit gets old faster than anything. You wanna have to lead someone through life by the goddamned hand? You’ll end up strung out on whatever the closest pill is that you can find. It’s hard enough to worry about your own damned self, pay rent, keep your integrity and all that bullshit. BUT YOU WANNA GO and try to protect some Forrest Gump from the bad things in the world?

I can save your ass some trouble and Mapquest the shortest route to the looney bin for ya now.

I’m not in the business of getting kittens out of trees. If they don’t find their own way down, then they must like being up there. I’m not gonna let ‘em pull me up with ‘em.

Now leave me the fuck alone.