Dear Murray
I want to start taking yoga. Do you know of any good yoga studios?
-Twisted in Tinseltown
Lemme tell ya about people who take yoga. I know this guy, we’ll call him SAL VENICE from CLIFFSIDE PARK, NEW JERSEY. Sal had this roommate named Barry who was really involved in Yoga. Sal comes home one day, and Barry’s sitting in the living room in a bath robe and a huge grin on his face. He says “I’ve got a surprise for ya! Are you ready? Sit right here.” Barry runs into the bathroom and comes back out with a jar of vaseline. “ARE YOU READY?” he says. He opens the jar of vaseline, hikes one leg up on a chair, scoops some vaseline with one finger, and begins jamming that finger in his ass. pllllpp! plllllpp! “Do you like that?” pllpp! “Does this BOTHER YOU?” plllp! plllp! “What are you gonna do now, you gonna go MEDITATE?” pllpp! pllpp! “YOU KNOW WHAT? NONE OF THIS IS REAL!” pllpp!
Barry has reached a level of transcendence many of us will never achieve. I’ll find out where he takes yoga and get back to you.
Now leave me the fuck alone.
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Dear Murray
Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.
He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".
His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.
A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.
It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.
He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.
Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.