Dear Murray
I have a friend is just in love with a guy from the East Coast. She’s married, but soon to be not. The two of them have recently decided to get a little closer, starting with the possiblity of a move. He is free to go wherever he wants, she, on the other hand is not. Family issues keep her where she is. He is considering the move to her, which is a completely different way of life, and total culture shock. Is it really fair to ask someone to do that for another with no promises of commitment?
~ someone in the armpit of America
Goddamn, that ain’t love, that’s fucking INSANITY. Going from the east coast to mid-america ain’t just culture shock, it’s fucking electrocution. So, let’s look at the pros and cons of moving to the Bible belt.
PRO: You can pretty much smoke anywhere you want, including Burger King, even if you work there, and while you’re making sammiches.
well, ok. that’s the only pro.
CON: The weekend hotspot is APPLEBY’S. HAHAHAHAHA.
CON: He’ll soon learn to distinguish between the smell of cow shit and the smell of pig shit, and I dunno about you, but that’s the kinda fucking knowledge I DON’T NEED.
CON: At some point in his life, he’s gonna have a best friend named JUNIOR and JUNIOR is gonna be missing some teeth. Maybe all of his teeth.
CON: The most exciting time of the year is THE COUNTY FAIR.
So, there ya have it. Explain the pros and cons to that mothafucka, and if he still decides to go, and it doesn’t work out, then he pretty much deserves what he gets. Now leave me the fuck alone.
Categories: Limp Dicks
Dear Murray
Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.
He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".
His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.
A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.
It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.
He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.
Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.