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Lovin’ like a broken fucking record

Dear Murray

So..here we go. I am leaving to move from va to the cheese state in a few and I currently am in a relatively new relationship – but its more complicated than that. I have been friends (and actually engaged) at previous points to this same person before.
I want to express the way I feel for him – the fact that I love him and to an extent dont want to move because I want to be with him – although I do realize that I am going to leave anyway.
Should I tell him that I love him although I will be leaving next month and that it could possibly “complicate” things later on – the whole us getting way too attached to each other only to be separated by lots of distance – I need help..what do you think?
-bleeding cheese heart

You need help, alright. You’ve been friends, you’ve dated, you’ve been engaged. A number of times. Give it up already. Are you 17 years old? It’s not fucking working. OK?

Here’s what’ll happen. You’ll continue on this codependent path of breaking up and getting back together. NOW THAT’S TRUE LOVE! In no time, you’ll find that like nine fucking years of your life have passed with this infantile bullshit, and you’re finally wise enough to move the fuck on with your lives. You’re never gonna reclaim those years.

How do I know this? Because that was me. Convinced I was living the love of my life, both of us clinging onto each other and not listening to a single motherfucker who told us differently.

I’d like to punch you dead in the fucking mouth right about now, because I’d be vicariously punching the younger me. Now chin up. This is gonna hurt me more than it’s gonna hurt you.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

Categories: Limp Dicks

Dear Murray

Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.

He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".

His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.

A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.

It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.

He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.

Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.