Dear Murray
I am a REALLY horny young man and masturbation alone doesn’t quench my thirst. I haven’t gotten laid in 3 months and I am going crazy. A friend told me that Craigslist is a great idea, so i posted this ad today:
FREE SWEDISH MASSAGE TONIGHT
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Reply to: anon-30004762@craigslist.org
TIM
OFFERING A FREE SWEDISH MASSAGE TODAY AND TONIGHT FOR LADIES ONLY (SORRY GUYS…TOO WIERD AND IM NOT GAY…LOL) SO LADIES, ENDULGE IN A OIL SWEDISH MASSSAGE FOR ONE HOUR TOTALLY FREE…LET ME KNOW WHAT TIME AND YOUR LOCATION.Now I am sitting at home, imatiently waiting for someone to respond. Do you think this will get me some hot action?
-Horny in Hollywood
Craigslist should make their motto: where even the desperate have an equal voice. I love posts like that. My favorite ones have always been the ones that are like “free rent for young girl to help older gentleman with medical problems.” My $5 says those medical problems involve the words “erectile” and “dysfunction”. It ain’t worth the fucking $600 a month rent once you wake in the middle of the night being chased by old man cock! Shit, I had an experience myself once when I was a teen. My ex wife and I went to her mother’s house and her mother’s fiance walked out of his room in a pair of too-tight-whitey-tighteys. I caught a glimpse of old man cock and i burned all my fuckin briefs that day. Nothing but boxers from Murray from then out. The only hot action you’re gonna get from this, buddy, is when you heat that oil and rub it on your hands and pleasure yourself. ’cause all the women stupid enough to answer an ad like yours won’t be able to make it. They’re already imprisoned in a pit in someone else’s basement. You’re a bit too late.
Now leave me the fuck alone.
Categories: Limp Dicks The Innerweb
Dear Murray
Dear Murray a tasty, tasty bitch beloved and feared by hordes of basement-dwelling illiterati and their fierce antagonists, the Grammar Nazis. He single-handedly turned the webcam whorefest of Myspace into a lively commerce of ideas, including whether or not the TUBGIRL photo will ever be topped as a postmodern expression of the inexpressible. According to web historians, he has inspired more photoshop projects and syphilis jokes than Britney Spears (who he has been repeatedly linked romantically to). He is also rumoured to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a disciple of Cliff Yablonski, and the second gunman on the grassy knoll. Although he could not be reached for comment, he reportedly resides in or near the tent cities along the LA River Basin, third right after the walrus sunning station.
He has vehemently denied all charges that he is any any way responsible for that rash your wife claims "is from the heat".
His primary function is doling out advice; the inspiration sprang from an endless and eventually dull repetition of fucktards failed to heed his words.
A secondary result is a dysfunctional family "round table" of people who contribute innumerable one-liners and personal experiences, rarely related in any way to the actual question.
It is estimated that tens of thousands of readers have "LOL'd" approximately 5,395,645,694,167,467,105 times, with the toll expected to rise.
He is immune to kryptonite, chlamydia, and brainwashing.
Wikipedia has banned PENCILTITS's entry, debating the relevance of his tasty bitchiness.