Dear Murray

I tend to have very bad menstrual cramps , when it’s “that time of the month” and I could also use some help with my breast exam.
Can you come over?
-Spotty in Silverlake

The Chinese like to sip warm Ginger tea to relieve menstrual cramps, but then you’ll be sweating like three fat Chinamen in August. There was a whole museum of menstruation which seems like a really helpful tool until you consider that it was run by a 50 year old man out of the house that he shared with his mother. That shit ain’t called MUM.org for nothing. Check that out and you might be creeped out enough that you’ll forget the cramps altogether.

How the hell can he do that when you’re flowing like the River Nile? Can you picture Murray in a haz-mat suit trying to wade through that shit singing Go down, Moses, way down in Egypt’s land Tell old Pharoh To let my people go? It just ain’t a pretty picture!

Now leave me the fuck alone.