Oh The Drama | Dear Murray

Category Archives: Oh the Drama

Seeing is Believing!

January 16, 2008 – 12:25 pm

Dear Murray:

My friend has decided to try to set me up with her upstairs neighbor, she’s one of three suites in a house. The guy upstairs has just had an accident at work and broke both his wrists, poor guy!! ha ha She I guess has been talking to his roommate and they both felt he needed company. So we first met at a BBQ at the house with everyone so we don’t feel pressured or anything. Went well I guess! The next day I stopped by to talk to my friend about it and he was there so I didnt’ say anything and headed out of town for a week. He was asking about me and wanted to know when I was going to stop by again. So now it’s been a little bit and I’ve been over to the house and hung out with him with my friend a few times.
Now I guess during a conversation he told her that he was sorta seeing someone in the city! She called me right away and told me. He then asked about me again later and she got mad at him for seeing someone else and still wanting to ask about me. Should I pursue this or let him try for me? He doesnt’ really seem like the kinda guy to come out and make things happen?! So it could end up being a lost cause!!
What should I do?????

-three’s a crowd

This is all so fucking he said/she said. Who really cares? “Seeing” someone? The fuck does that mean, anyway? That can run the whole spectrum. They could meet up once a week to hike, they could be fuck buddies, she may hate his guts but feel sorry for him, so she agrees to hang out with him, but never goes back to his place. Really, it’s wide fucking open.

“Seeing someone”. Are you really bothered by that? It seems so high schoolish to only be able to “see” one person at one time. It could be true that this mothafucka is practically engaged, and just wants a little action on the side. It could be that he’s been on two dates with some girl and they ate ice cream sundaes. If it concerns you, you just gotta ask if he’s got a girlfriend or not. It’s no big fucking deal. Don’t treat it like you’re going to be wearing the guy’s letterman jacket or some shit if you go on a date.

Christ, there have been times when I’ve been “seeing” as many as 6 people at once before. Law of averages. Out of 6, there might be 1 or 2 (if it’s a full moon) who would fucking interest me in the least bit.

I have ADD. I forget what the question was. Rub some antibiotic cream on it, and shut the fuck up.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

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Is it more titties in my football, or more football in my titties?

October 20, 2007 – 11:15 am

Dear Murray,

i’ve got this friend that i’ve known for about 10 years or so, and the funny thing is that her husband and mine are best friends. whenever he comes back from being over at their house, or out to lunch with them or whatever, he’s always got a story or some drama to spill.

and it starts with her. the last time it was, “oh well she said that for as long as she’s known you you’ve only dated really rich preppy guys,”

which isn’t true. and moreover, why the fuck would you say shit like that? i never tell her husband about her antics (true or untrue) pre marriage to him… what the fuck is that about?

or this one time it was a girls night, we’re all sitting around, and someone says how cute me and my man are and she was getting sauced and announces to the group that my man didn’t even wanna go on our first date together, how he sat on their couch talking all kinds of shit about me… (wait, i’m not supposed to tell anyone)

i don’t get it murray. do i confront her or ignore her or what? if i confront her, then the menfolk will get involved, and i will be the bad guy. or do i wait and if she says something shitty just say, “why would you say something like that?”

WHAT DO I DO MURRAY

I HAVE NEVER IN MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE BEEN MORE THANKFUL TO BE A DUDE. WE are not required by law to ever discuss anything more than football and titties. SOMETIMES we even get complex and shit. “WE NEED MORE TITTIES IN MY FOOTBALL!” “NO! YOU’RE WRONG! WE NEED MORE FOOTBALL IN MY TITTIES!” The debate will become heated, we come to a compromise, problem forgotten.

A bitch will say some crazy ass things when someone else is the center of attention. “OH WELL HE DIDN”T LIKE YOU WHEN HE MET YOU.” “So what? your boobs are fake anyway!” “HEY! PAY ATTENTION TO ME! I HAVE… CLITORAL CANCER!” If that bitch was single, she’d be the bitch at the bar showin her tits for goddamned penny beer. She’s the bitch who sang that goddamned fucking Earl had to die song for 3 years straight at the Karaoke Shack. And she’ll be the same bitch in 20 years, crying into her sad, lonely ass bottle, mascara running down her face like one of them squirt gun races at the motherfuckin carnival. WONDERIN WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN HAD HER LIFE NOT GONE TO SUCH SHIT.

Shit. Who the fuck wants to be the center of attention, anyway? Well, I do, for one, but christ. I cannot help it that I was given the face of an Armani model, and the body of a Greek god. IT IS A MOTHERFUCKING BURDEN, NOT A GIFT, PEOPLE!

Christ. Just ignore the shit. She’ll do her own good job of pissing away her reputation and life, and you can…

WELL YOU CAN LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE IS WHAT YOU CAN DO!

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