I have a crush on this British guy at work, and he seems a little more sophisticated than the guys I usually date. What can I do to get his attention?

Amy

You’re in luck. Murray has extensive experience dealing with the British. I once punched this British guy in the face at a party, but I didn’t get into trouble because first I shouted “NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION”. If you look at the cultural differences between the United States and Britain, you can learn alot. For example, look at our slang for the phrase “wow, that’s really something great.” In the U.S., we might say something like “Man, that shit is DOPE”, whereas over there, they would say “That’s the dog’s BOLLOCKS!” What does this teach us? Americans are preoccupied with drugs and poo, and the British with dog balls.

If you really want to impress this guy, grow yourself a set of dog balls. Now leave me the fuck alone.