Let’s face it. You’re not that hot. It’s all perspective. Sure, in a shotgun to my head game of Fuck, Marry, Kill with you, Libby Dole, and Diane Feinstein, I’d be throwing it in you faster than you could say “Caribou.” Compared to the rest of the population, though, you’re pretty average.

If only Olympia Snowe were younger…

she’d be the VPILF, and you’d still be eating Mooseburgers with the First Dude.

Anyway, enough about my dick.

I know your first debate is coming up, and you’ve had a hard time lately, every time you open your mouth. First, there was the clip where Katie Couric asked you a question about the economy, and your response, where you just started grabbing every word that had something to do with the economy out of the air, like magnetic poetry pieces falling from the refrigerator and shattering on the kitchen floor.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, I’m sure McCain bitched your ass out good Sunday morning after you made him look like a total dipshit on the TAY-VAY.

I understand. McCain can be a real cocksucker before he has his glass of Ensure.

But now, we hear that there’s more to Couricgate, and it’s getting worse. When old Katie (who I could’t ever take serious after I knew what the inside of her colon looked like) asked you to discuss Supreme court cases, you said Roe v. Wade, then went silent.

Whoever the fuck is coaching you, it ain’t working. That’s where I can help. Murray’s about to tell you everything you need to know for the debate.

Let’s break it down, and relate it to some shit that you can hopefully remember. Your kids. We’re gonna assign different aspects of governing the whole USA to each of your five kids, Trigg, Track, Alternator, Snowplow, Brick, whatever the fuck their names are.

The economy = Baby Trigg The economy is exactly like your retarded baby. The economy has been eating, shitting its pants, and puking all over the place. And no matter what you do, it’s still going to be retarded. So all you can do is follow it around and smell its diaper. Just picture yourself sniffing Ben Bernanke and Hank Paulson’s asses, and you’ll know as much about the economy as our current President.

The war in Iraq = your soldier boy Track Much like naming your son Track, it’s one of the dumbest things this country has even gotten itself into. You know how you made Track join the Army so he couldn’t knock up some Eskimo girl? That’s how we got into Iraq. Bush was all “oh noooes. Iran and Al Qaeda are coming at Iraq with the double-ended dong. We gotta stop that shit!” And, five years later, we’re still stuck there guarding Iraq’s sweet little pussy.

Welfare = your knocked up daughter, Bristol Just when you thought Bristol was gonna get a job, and get outta your damned house, she shits out a pup. Now, she’s going to be stuck around the governor’s mansion another five years, eating your moose burgers and stealing from your purse. Now picture all the black and brown people of the planet doing that, and you have the official Republican Party platform.

Atheists and Homosexuals (aka the Democrats) – your other daughter, Willow Seriously, you named your daughter after a lesbian witch on Buffy. You don’t know which way Willow is going to go yet. She could already be working on getting knocked up out of God-fearing wedlock, like Bristol, or she could still enter the convent. ALL YOU NEED TO DO is beat the everloving shit out of her with a Bible. It works like that on gay people, too. If you don’t believe me, just ask Ted Haggard.

Education = your daughter Piper There’s still some hope for Piper. All she needs to do is spend enough time around Bristol’s “fuckin redneck” boyfriend, and you’ll scare that child into reading a motherfuckin book. If you don’t do something quick, though, you can just forget all about that shit. Piper will be the last best hope. Which probably means that she’ll end up a broke, lesbian, welfare mama, who wants to join the Army.

I hope this helps in your preparations. Fuck only knows you couldn’t possibly sound like more of an idiot than you did last week.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

This whole Sinclair thing has made its way around various other right-wing blogs in the blogosphere since the posting of this, and I don’t have the time or interest in tracking them all down. I’m sure there are plenty more Ron Paul supporter and non-Ron Paul supporter blogs posting this story now, since whitehouse.com has offered a $100,000 bounty on the lie detector test.

The point of this blog was to document the web footprint of this story as of the date and time that it was posted. 2008-01-29
12:03:46 am. The results I documented represented all of google’s results at that date and time searching for “larry sinclair”+obama. Every blog that appeared in the results at that time that considered the video credible is linked to here. I’ve excluded blogs like dlisted and other blogs who called Sinclair a “toothless crackhead.” I also excluded message board posts, which are meaningless, since anyone can sign up and post on any message board, though the results did include the Ron Paul forums, and other reliable news sources like the Kumho Tires message board.

I’ve included Cao’s blog here, which was the only blog to register on that google result on that date that wasn’t a self-identified Ron Paul supporter.

Meanwhile, some of the blogs listed below are now beginning to retro-actively withdraw their Ron Paul endorsement as a response to this blog. Why? Because Ron Paul repudiated the 9/11 Truthist kooks, of course. Now that Larry has evidently failed two polygraphs, the question is, were the Ron Paul bloggers who were around at the start of this taken for a ride, too? I suspect so. They were the perfect army to get the ball rolling, then Obama supporters took the bait, and kept it rolling. Then, it blew up to what it became. In the end, it looks like we were all duped into playing along. Though, some of the blogs listed below are now reporting on the results of the polygraph tests with new conspiracy theories involving the credibility of the “expert” who administered it, how it’s more likely for a truthful person to have a false negative, etc. etc. I suppose it will go on forever, so long as people keep playing the game.

_______________________________________________

By now, many of you have seen the laughable claims of this man:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVeFVtcdSYY

READ: Toothless crackhead alert!

“Mr. Sinclair” has given zero proof and absolutely few details about his life to support any sort of credibility.

There appears to be substantial proof, however, that this is originating and/or being perpetuated from the Ron Paul support base

What proof? Do you ask?

Folks, I work in the internet biz, too, and I know how this works. You post this on blogs, message boards, spam craigslist with it, submit it to sites like Digg and Mahalo, and eventually, you have thousands of google search results. What is undeniable, though, is that there is a distinct web footprint evident on the spread of this nonsense.

The first blog to report this “story”, and subsequently, a statement from “Larry Sinclair” was the blog http://anndavis.blogspot.com. Ron Paul Supporter.

Subsequently, “Larry Sinclair” appeared on the Jeff Rense show. http://rense.com. A conspiracy theory radio show that lends credence to such stories as “Monica Lewinski was an Israeli Operative, sent to bring down the Clinton White House.” Jeff Rense is a Ron Paul supporter.

The viral nature of the spread of this video, and the subsequent conspiracy theories about mainstream media suppression are trademarks of the extreme Paul supporters, and their “Truthism” cause. See Truthism.com if you have several hours to waste reading complete nonsense, assuming you don’t go blind from the horrific web design.

Note the other blogs in the blogosphere that are lending credibility to these claims:

We Saw That is a Ron Paul supporter.
DailyPaul.com needs no explanation.
The Pirate Bay is a torrent site that appears to have every word Ron Paul has ever said available for download.
RumorMillNews is a Ron Paul supporter.
Know the Lies is a Ron Paul supporter.
Freedom4um is a Ron Paul supporter which links directly to Ron Paul’s Official Site.
St0ckman.blogspot.com is a Ron Paul supporter.
Mrsircy.blogspot.com is a Ron Paul supporter.
Bloh.balder.org which is in Finnish or trekkie or something is a Ron Paul supporter.
Libertypost.org is a Ron Paul supporter.
TheLastDaysBulletin is a Ron Paul supporter.
ThePowerHourNews is a Ron Paul supporter AND fundraiser.
A URL, Gay08.com redirects to the YouTube video. Wisely, the domain was registered with private registration. The first reference to the URL is listed on the GodlikeProductions.com message board by a user named TroyDungeon, who is a Ron Paul supporter:

GodlikeProductions itself is a site full of Ron Paul supporters.

The initial user to post this on Digg, “DeepFriedFetus“, is a Ron Paul supporter.

These are the sites which link to and/or attempt to lend credibility to “Mr. Sinclair’s” ridiculous charges. Every single one of the blogs pushing this video as credible are Ron Paul supporters.

So, I believe the real news story here is: why are Ron Paul’s supporters so invested in this story?

You’re seriously disgracing your candidate. You are, in fact, doing your candidate more harm than good. There are two distinct Ron Paul “campaigns.” There is the official Ron Paul campaign, and there is the Ron Paul internet “campaign.” Go to any city’s Craigslist, and you will be inundated with nonsensical posts that Ron Paul will indeed secure the Republican nomination.

This same Ron Paul unofficial “campaign” has even led trouble to Ron Paul’s doorstep, as this Wired article details. Frankly, this Larry Sinclair nonsense amounts to nothing more than that. Yet another CRIMINAL internet campaign being fueled in mass by Ron Paul supporters.

Now, fuck off.

UPDATE: “Larry” is now directing threats at me for slander lawsuits.

DO NOTE that I am not implicating Ron Paul himself or the Ron Paul campaign in anything. I am simply documenting, through links on these sites, that every site out there that is pressing this issue has identified themselves as Ron Paul supporters. Bring it on, Larry. Bring it on!

UPDATE: Larry states that he will be on the internet radio show “The Right Perspective.” Whether “NewsGuy2005″ is Frank or John (note how every hit for “NewsGuy2005″ lists the url therightperspective.com in its tagline, mostly announcements of shows) is unclear. What is clear is that NewsGuy2005 is the official spokesperson for the show, and that NewsGuy2005 is a Ron Paul supporter.

Newsguy’s post on a discussion on freerepublic.com:

To: All

Neil Cavuto was totally PWN3D by Dr. Paul when FOX News tried to do a “rope-a-dope” on the Texas Congressman:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqPhrqllHzY

Also notice how FOX News brought Dr. Paul on to talk about the effect holiday ads have on the election, then side-swiped him with this question about a lousy $500 donation.

It’s very strange how Dr. Paul barely cracks the two-digits in the polls yet the MainStream Media goes after him with hit pieces like this and the one over at LGF… they must really be scared that Dr. Paul’s message will resonate when the public realizes they don’t have much of a choice between Hitlery/Obumba and the cardboard cutout figure the Republicans will prop up for their nominee.

I absolutely LOVE how Ron Paul handled this obvious hit piece by FOX News… don’t take their lies and deception, Dr. Paul!

125 posted on 12/20/2007 9:58:48 PM PST by NewsGuy2005 (www.therightperspective.com)

[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 50 | View Replies ]

NewsGuy2005′s post on freerepublic.com regarding the Sinclair interview was deleted. Moderator’s note for the thread:

This thread has been pulled.
Pulled on 02/01/2008 2:30:48 PM PST by Admin Moderator, reason:

No thanks to Rense et al.

The Right Perspective has removed the blog posting announcing the show.

Update: Larry “cancelled” the interview last week, after, of course, having to rush to the emergency room or whatever bullshit story he made up, or whatever. Nevermind the fact that he was on YouTube all night.

Anyhow, here is the link to it. Feel free to listen for yourself and see how batshit crazy this fool is. He’s apparently convinced now that David Axelrod and Barack Obama have hired people to make fun of him on YouTube, or whatever. Yes. Anyone who thinks you’re a dipshit, Larry, must be on the payroll. Anyone with half a brain knows you’re a dipshit. I’m on nobody’s fucking payroll. Obviously, you aren’t either.

Anyhow, I wish I could take back the time I wasted listening to that stupid show. On the full show, they began by referring to Obama as “Jungle Boy”. Yeah, real fucking reliable, you mealy-voiced racist kooks! Apparently, they’re skipping right past the Alien conspiracy Ron Paul kooks, and straight to the racist newsletters and radio show Ron Paul kooks. Bravo.

STILL MORE CRAZY UPDATES: Cao insists that he is not a Ron Paul supporter, which somehow would negate the overwhelming Paultard support for this nonsense. I have issued Cao my own Larry Sinclair challenge, and Cao won’t put his money where his mouth is. Just for you, Cao, I’ll clear this up. This is being spread by 99.9% Ron Paul supporters, and one guy with a severe noncommittal mancrush on Ron Paul.

And, even funnier, Larry Sinclair says he filed a civil lawsuit against David Axelrod and the Obama campaign for illegally investigating him and “slandering” him. This, of course is based on some blog and message board posts by some totally random dudes who, uh, signed up for a free account on democrats.org.

1. larrysinclair0926 Says:
   February 10th, 2008 at 3:22 am I have not ignored any request for facts supporting my claims about obama. I have refused to turn over information to the internet warriors who somehow feel I owe them something. In response to the attempt to call me a liar about the smears on the official DNC site I provide you the following link http://www.democrats.org/page/community/tag/Larry+Sinclair
   I also would like to say that comingawakening is posting videos making claims that he know what day I met Obama, and what day the navy graduation took place only all of his claimed FACTS were totally made up by him and I had to correct him.

Larry, keep it up. You’re the funniest man on the internets!

YET ANOTHER update:

The Smoking Gun has a copy of the lawsuit on its site: Slanderous Kook: I’m a Slander Victim. It’s a really small world, because I have family in Duluth. I’ve been to Duluth several times. Larry, you live in the crackhead part of town, in the middle of the broken down old factories and train yards. You’re in more danger from just living there than you are due to this nonsense. Next time I’m going to be in Duluth, let me know what corner you’ll be on, and I’ll drop you some change so you can get yourself an order of tots at Taco John’s.

I do have a serious question, Larry. I googled the address listed on the court papers (and you can knock off your posturing toward the Smoking Gun regarding that. You filed the stupid papers, so they are public record). I matched up the address and my question is why do you live in an “elderly and assisted care facility?”

See here

WTF? You live with your grandma???

HUD papers on the Tower

Page 12.

The towers are Section 236 HUD subsidized low- income housing. Occupancy requirements: Elderly and handicapped.

So, uh, exactly what kind of “handicap” are we talking about here? Anyone care to guess?

-ebony

Christ, you just made me regress a few years. First of all, that shit was all my parents ever watched. Fucking DirectTV… 15246514652 channels, and their asses lie on the couch stoned, eating chips and watching COPS. Which brings me to random memory #2. I was with my EX WIFE and one of our friends and this friend’s lame boyfriend. Someone decided WE should smoke pot, so lame-o takes us to his dealer’s house. We’re sitting there on the “couch” (was actually like a back seat from a Ford Galaxie) waiting for the deal to be done, and his roommate comes downstairs and gets introduced. He smiles at us. NO FUCKING FRONT TEETH TOP OR BOTTOM. He looked just like Daniel fucking Stern but toothless! Anyway, what was on the TV? COPS.

Why the fuck is it every time you go to some drug dealer’s house, they’re always watching COPS? Are they looking for someone they know? The whole fucking time, I was expecting to see a door kicked open and the back of my head on TV. Motherfuck.

Anyway, you can fucking find anything on ebay. VOILA!. Warning, though. That shit don’t work on white people. I’ve lived in LA long enough to know that all the police equipment is geared to only work on BROWN PEOPLE. So, if you’ve got it in for enough blacks and Mexicans to warrant the expense, HAVE AT IT.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

“Hey, lady, can you spare some CHANGE?” -Murray, 2003.

Now, all anyone can talk about is CHANGE, CHANGE, CHANGE.

What kind of change can some of these people possibly offer?

Hillary’s swarming to the word change like an old rat sniffing out a choice cut of cheese. She’s gone all on the offensive, first reminding us that she is a WOMAN, because, well, 67 percent of Americans aren’t convinced of that shit yet. Oh yeah, electing the first woman president would be a big change. If that woman was Oprah or Beyonce or Camille Paglia, or hell, even Britney would make for a fun ride as president. Hillary’s just the matriarch of the same tired old baby boomer political families. If Hillary was elected and served two terms, this country would be run by the same TWO families for TWENTY EIGHT FUCKING CONSECUTIVE YEARS. Change, my bleeding asshole. Once she loses New Hampshire, her campaign will begin to go down in flames, and Hill will start eating the heads off of babies. GFY, Hill.

Edwards very well may be a candidate for change, but his type of change is creeping me out. Edwards has obviously been sipping the potion from Death Becomes Her, and he should be sharing that shit with his wife! Their whole relationship reminds me of the time on Three’s Company when Jack was dating that Lana chick. Except, Mrs. Edwards ain’t no Lana. I’ll vote for Edwards if he promises to share the potion. But, rich white guy from the south for president? NEVER SEEN THAT ONE BEFORE!

Crazy Kucinich is my motherfuckin’ hero. We’re both somewhere to the left of Mao, and we’re both banging a hot, young woman. So, in other words, he has no shot. Sometimes, the dream is too far to reach for most Americans. Kucinich is the candidate I’d most like to give a high five.

Ron Paul’s talking about change. Ron Paul has a dedicated Army of internet trolls out there spamming message boards, political blogs, and every article they can find that has anything to do with the election. Either someone’s jacking these motherfuckers up on ephedrine, or there’s one motherfucker programming spambots. Judging from his results in Iowa, I’d lean toward the latter. Oh yeah, Ron Paul’s for change. He wants a smaller government. He hates bloated government, which explains why he’s been a motherfucking Congressman in this bloated government for THIRTY FUCKING YEARS. It’s always easy to talk about Revolution when you’ve planned yourself a nice, cushy, well-paying job at the top. Just ask Stalin. Eat a dick, Paulywogs.

Mitt Romney. We’ve seen this hair before. Between Jimmy Johnson and Ronald Reagan, the world can never have enough Teflon pampadours. Nor, can we ever have enough wives. I know y’all are getting into Big Love and all, but every time my woman watches that show, she’ll immediately turn to me and say “you know what else is stupid about the patriarchy?” That’s what a Romney administration would be like for yours truly. St. Louis would be officially declared a national landmark, as the garden of Eden. Any of you ever been to St. Louis? I don’t remember anything in the Bible about Adam and Eve running through the gardens of spare tires and luxurious mounds of junk. This one time, I was riding my bike, and it started raining really fucking hard. So, I stopped under an overpass, to wait out the rain. These two dudes in dress clothes and ties came up to me, and I’m thinking “oh, god, i’m about to get gang raped.” Then, the one dude says “I want to give you something.” I was preparing myself to defend my virginal asshole when he whipped out a card for a free copy of the Book of Mormon. I rode off into the rain as fast and as far as I could from those fuckers. And now, one of them is running for President.

Speaking of religious wackos, how ’bout that Mike Huckabee? You know what group doesn’t have enough disproportionate power in this country? Fundamentalist Christians. It’s such a shame that nobody ever pays them any attention at all in politics. I’ll admit it, though, Huckabee is the candidate I’d most like to eat Thanksgiving dinner with. Just look at these fuckers:

There’s no skimping on the lard at that dinner table! Just keep your dogs away from the big hoss in the middle!

Through it all, the Republicans are starting to get fired up about John McCain again. McCain has been running for every presidential election since 1900. Every time, he loses a little bit of integrity, and comes that much closer to the nomination. This could be the year he finally gets it. Anyone catch McCain’s speeches lately? Has he always had those stubby little alligator arms, or is his body finally beginning to shrink, along with his credibility? McCain’s starting to talk about change, and it’s about damned time. Close your eyes and picture a politician that you’ve never seen before. White-haired conservative white guy is what I pictured. Anyone else?

Rudy Giuliani. 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11

Barack Obama. Supposedly, Bush was the candidate people most wanted to have a beer with. Bullshit. Bush was the candidate people most wanted to do a line of cocaine with in the bathroom at a ZZ Top concert. Obama’s the candidate I’d most like to have a beer and a cigarette with in a jazz club. Did you see his speech at the 2004 Democratic convention? He’s got the youthful energy of a four year old, high on pixie sticks and Jolt soda. When I first started hearing Barack Obama, I thought “here’s a man with charisma. This pretty much assures that the Democrats will never nominate him.” After his win in Iowa, some of your traditional Democrats are freaking out. They’re so goddamned used to picking the wrong candidate year in and year out, that once they finally picked the right one, they’re convinced there must be some sort of conspiracy going on. Come on, people! He’s so dreeeeamy! He’s like the Kennedys. The good ones. Except, you know, black.

Obama’s the candidate that I’m most likely to be casting a vote for in the fall election. Rich, old white guys everywhere are beginning to freak the fuck out. Baby boomers are about to start dropping off like flies. Young people prefer Obama. Women prefer Obama. Republicans are starting to prefer Obama. Hillary’s still holding strong in one Demographic: elderly ladies with lots of cats. Which reminds me: if your pacemaker is likely to go out on you before the president takes office, just stop fucking voting, people!

Now leave me the fuck alone.

How can I erase a speeding ticket from another state without waking up next to a horse’s head? Stupid fucking California DMV won’t let me get a license here until I pay this other stupid fucking state.
-Johnny Knuckles

Just why do ya need a California license is what I wanna know. Unless you’re Black or Mexican, or worse, Blaxican, LAPD ain’t gonna pull your ass over anyway. I mean, really. How many times you seen some car pulled over on the side of the road and you see about four Mexicans spread eagle across the car, with guns fucking pointed at all four of them little old ladies? Shit. I was riding down Sunset Blvd. one night, and I saw the cops pull over these four black dudes. I know they looked all suspicious cruising a nice vehicle like that four door Saturn they was driving. Seriously, that thing had to be paid for by drug money, ’cause I mean, come on. No normal human being’s got that kinda bread lying around. So the cops open their doors and get in position behind their doors and their hands on the guns and yell for all four of ‘em to get out and put their hands on the car. You know ol’ Murray. I see this and yell HEY! FUCK THA POLICE! Shit. Sally V. won’t even drive my ass nowhere near Sunset anymore.

So never fear, whitey. Your guvanator’s got your back. Be it driving without a license or bilking people outta millions with your insider trading. The jails are full of the brown people, and they ain’t got time to mess with you.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

Do you think a second American revolution could ever happen, or are we so docile now that we will allow the government to do as the please at the expense of our freedoms? Where do you stand on the Second Amendment?
-considering holing up in Montana

Five years ago, I would have told you no. This could never fucking happen. This country is full of right-wing “love it or leave it” fucks (wasn’t this country founded by leaving “it” – “it” being england?) and leftists who only show their face when it’s trendy. NOT ANYMORE BUDDY! Now we have PO-TEN-TIAL! The Revolution’s coming and it WILL be televised!

This fall on FOX! Hold onto your tits, ladies! We stick five angry dissidents in a house with five radical statists of the Reaganite variety! Watch as these 10 people battle week after week for ultimate control of these United States! AND TEN MILLION DOLLARS AND A RECORDING CONTRACT! Who’s it gonna be? Who’s got what it takes to be the last survivor? Will Lucy win over the country with her anarcho-socialist views and her string bikini? Or will Reggie succeed in bringing back slavery? Put your phone on speed-dial! Lock your Tivo in!

I just got so excited I need to go change my pants. Now leave me the fuck alone.

You’d look much sexier without the beard. Will you shave it?
-Angela

THERE YOU GO trying to change me again. You don’t get a beard like this without lotsa hard work. Look at those dudes in ZZ Top. YEARS of hard work, and it paid off. They are the favorite band of our president. THAT’S RIGHT. We elected a man whose favorite band is ZZ Top. So sing along with me.

tv dinners… when there’s nothing else to eat… tv dinnerssss….

This is also where Dubya got the idea for his welfare plan. Now leave me and the beard the fuck alone.

Toilet Paper Dust Diverts Vegas-Bound Flight

All that time & money wasted to the shitter!
The fuel spent on the extra landing/take off. The paychecks of the law enforcement called, investigators, etc. The money spent on the airplane employees while they stood around waiting. Money wasted testing the substance at some lab. The money wasted on the transport of said substance. The time wasted of the travellers.

What about the lady who grounded a flight over not wanting to hear people speak in a non-english language?

Arabic Spoken? Plane Grounded.

I, personally, would consider this similar to placing a false call to the police and getting a fine for it. So dumb.

This is why we need IQ tests to be able to fly. We need one airline for people who just wanna get to where the fuck they’re going. Then, we need a separate motherfucking airline for all the dumb white trash, screaming babies, and that MOTHERFUCKER with the whining cat on the red eye from San Francisco to Pittsburgh. I’ll kill your pussy, stuff it with stale peanuts, and roast that shit up in the microwave if you don’t shut that feline up, motherfuckers!

HEY! Them are suspicious! Dey tawk fuh-nny! Captain! There is a terrorist on the wing of the plane! OH GOD HE’S GEE-HODDIN THE ENGINE! We’re all gonna DIIIIIEEE! AAAAHHHHHHH! Christ, when did these people start flying to go visit the LARGEST BALL OF MUD instead of just loading the family up in the Winnebago, like their fathers before them?

Holy shit we’re living in a fucked up place. Not that this country wasn’t full of morons before 9/11, but that day evidently gave them all some common rallying point to freak out, hoard some guns, and live in fear of everyone else.

Hell, just last week, the cops in Boston damn near shot some nerdy MIT teen who came into the airport wearing a shirt with a circuit board on it. Seriously, get a good look at that shit. It couldn’t have been any sillier if it had had the fucking Energizer Bunny strapped onto it:

And if you think that’s crazy, this woman was almost kicked off a flight just for being a ho:

I understand that bitch is loose and all, but she can’t be hiding more than 2-3 terrorists under that flimsy little outfit. Nothin to worry about, people!

So, the only option is to get all these fuckers their very own airline. Fly American Scarelines! Load ‘em all up, and let ‘em freak the fuck out about each other. Jack ‘em up on lots of caffeine, and point them toward the coordinates 4.815 162.342. Say hi to Hurley for me, fuckers.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

Currently listening : Paranoid By Black Sabbath Release date: 25 October, 1990